A Unique Child: Vulnerable Children: Part 2 - Within reach

It is not possible to consider vulnerable children without considering their families. Research tells us that the brains of babies and young children are very open to influences, most importantly the attachments they form with the adults closest to them. Sue Gerhardt is clear that babies' brains develop through warm and loving relationships(1).

It follows that if these relationships are not developed then the child is at risk. A lack of emotional warmth, indifference, harsh or inconsistent parenting and parental conflict all increase the risk of emotional and behavioural problems which, over time, can lead to anti-social attitudes, substance misuse and crime(2).

So, parents and close family members matter to ensure the best life chances for their children but, as we saw in Part 1, some parents find life difficult and this often prevents them from offering the best support.

CHILDREN'S CENTRES

Children's centres were developed initially to provide a network of support and guidance for all young families. National evaluations have shown the centres to have been successful, particularly in improving young children's health and in supporting parenting. Recognising this effectiveness, but restricting funding for the work, the DfE's new 'Core Purpose' for children's centres increasingly directs their resources to families in the greatest need. One proposal is to reduce inequalities in parental aspirations, self-esteem and parenting skills(3). This is echoed in the revised framework for Ofsted inspections, which now has a strong emphasis on the 'aspects that make the greatest difference to families who are identified as most in need of intervention and support'(4). These requirements, coupled with a smaller budget, pose a huge challenge for centres.

Designed programmes are often unsuccessful because they require families to fit into a one-size-fits-all mould. Fragile families often have very specific needs and require different levels of information and support as their situations change. Support needs to be tailored to meet individual circumstances, and this means establishing a flexible programme that fits each family comfortably.

Practical points

- Keep up to date with the circumstances of each fragile family to project what additional support might be required.

- Given the limited funding, make sure that additional support (eg, extended hours of attendance or a service transporting children to and from the centre) is restricted to meeting particular difficulties.

REACHING OUT

Fragile families' lack of awareness of children's centres is a problem. A recent survey revealed that of those who had never used a centre, 42 per cent said they had never heard of them. Men were found to be less aware than women of the services on offer; as were those families with English as a second language. The survey also highlighted the need to engage with fragile families who are isolated, such as ethnic minorities(5).

Even if parents become aware of services offered, they have to take the big step of visiting for the first time. Smaller settings are not so likely to have the resources to provide family workers or home visits, and parents may be on their own when they visit.

Many parents will have had poor experiences of schooling and be extremely reluctant to enter any educational institution. Several parents told me they felt intimidated; others that they felt unwelcome. These parents never repeated their visit and refused to try another setting.

Fathers are sometimes daunted by female-dominated environments.

One lone father who was supported to place his daughter at a centre said: 'I waited to collect Charmaine and tried to be friendly and chat with a mum, just about kids and that. A bit later I heard her whispering to her friend, saying "that creepy bloke over there was trying it on with me, so watch out".' Needless to say, the dad refused to visit the centre again and a neighbour collected his child.

Practical points

- Keep up-to-date information on the location of fragile families in your 'reach' (parents may now register their child's birth at a local children's centre).

- Work closely with other agencies, including charities and community groups, to identify and engage with fragile families.

- Encourage a few parents to support staff by ensuring that any 'new' parents (particularly men) are immediately welcomed into the group and are familiarised with the services on offer.

ESTABLISHING TRUST

All parents appreciate feeling comfortable and welcome in a setting, and an important factor is having easy relationships with staff. For practitioners, building positive and trusting relationships with all families makes it easier if difficult issues need to be raised with a family.

All agencies involved with fragile families will take care to maintain good working links, but the key person has a critical role in that they usually have frequent contact with the parents when they leave and collect their children. Even when these contacts are brief, there should be an opportunity for friendly comment.

The National Children's Bureau sums it up: 'Parents need to know, and internalise, the feeling that they are important, that they are known to those working with them and that their difficulties are understood and acknowledged.'(6)

If this is achieved, parents are more likely to relax and be honest about tensions and problems in their lives, which invariably affect their young children. The child's need for a secure attachment is well recognised, but many fragile parents have lacked an attached relationship themselves and need the experience of being cared for through professional love.

Studies suggest that home visits are probably the most effective way of establishing a strong link with the family. Ideally, a friendly note should make parents aware of an intended visit. Most are likely to feel more comfortable and in control if they are initially chatting in their own home rather than in the centre.

It is particularly sensitive to establish trusting relations when parents are suspected of abusing their child and involved in a safeguarding investigation. The child's needs are most important and, if a positive and reciprocal partnership can be maintained, this is likely to be in their interest.

However, there is a delicate balance between maintaining support for the family and child protection. If the key person concentrates on keeping a friendly link with the parent, it may be to the detriment of the child.

At worst, the key person may be manipulated to ignore evidence and believe the best of a situation. This was evident in the recent case of four-year-old Daniel Pelka, whose teachers were led by his mother to believe that his extreme thinness was due to an eating disorder.

Nevertheless, if communication breaks down, it is less likely that practitioners can work to improve the situation. It is worth remembering that hostile and aggressive reactions from parents are likely to mask anxiety and guilt and, possibly, a sense of unfairness. These strong emotions should be calmly accepted and, where possible, not allowed to deflect discussion.

The key person involved needs strong interpersonal skills, empathy, determination and resilience when things don't work and families opt out of contact.

CASE STUDY

At the start of the week, Katy organises a conversation time with her reception class. Children are encouraged to share interesting news and ask each other questions.

Suki, usually very quiet, suddenly burst out with her news. 'On Sundays I go through windows - sometimes the windows are very tiny and my daddy helps me through. There's no-one there (in the house) and it's dark. I open the door for my dad and sometimes it's stiff.'

Everyone received the news in silence and then Ben, sitting next to Suki, stated firmly, 'That's not good.' Suki rushed out to the cloakroom, sobbing that she didn't want to go through windows any more.

Katy immediately reported the matter to her head teacher, who liaised with the police and a social worker. Suki was very attached to her father and was allowed to remain with him (a single parent and odd-job worker) while an investigation was carried out. Katy managed with difficulty to maintain a positive relationship with the father while giving priority to Suki's welfare.

Ask yourself: What actions might Katy take to successfully maintain her key person role with the child and the father?

Practical point

- Offer training to ensure that key persons working with fragile families are of the highest quality and capable of understanding and working with complexity.

DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITH PARENTS

Even before any safeguarding issues come to light, there may come a time when suspicions occur about a child's welfare. A change in behaviour, a bruise that is unaccounted for and regular absences from the setting all contribute to the need for an initial, cautious investigation. An agenda for a meeting and discussions should be prepared carefully. There is no one right way to approach a parent in these circumstances, but the following guidance may help:

Possible areas of concern

- A parent's weak attachment with their child - apparent lack of interest/indifferent attitude.

- Indications of possible abuse: physical, emotional, sexual, neglect.

Preparation for the meeting

- Be clear about your concerns - keep written evidence with dates and added observations from colleagues.

- Ensure privacy, space and good time for a meeting.

- Make sure that your absence is covered and that there are no interruptions during the meeting.

- Familiarise yourself with the family's circumstances.

- Aim to meet on a one-to-one basis but, if you anticipate any antagonism or need the conversation to be verified, ask a senior colleague to join you.

The conversation

- Start on a positive note by finding common ground, such as the child's interests, and giving examples of 'good' parenting by that parent.

- Share concerns: but limit these at any one time, keep messages brief and backed up with evidence. Ask for a response after a couple of sentences.

- Be aware of non-verbal communication - both yours and the parent's.

- Receive negative responses with empathy. Try to understand the parent's main concern.

- Listen carefully: show you are listening, keep quiet and still and avoid 'butting in'.

- After listening, 'reframe' or play back your understanding of what has been said, clarify and be seen to respect the parent's comments.

- Avoid blame by showing some understanding of contributing circumstances but discourage parents from giving lengthy excuses that are irrelevant to the concerns raised.

- Be collaborative by asking the parent for suggestions to improve matters.

- Emphasise the parent's unique and central role in their child's development.

- Summarise: ensure that the parent has understood the main messages and has had good opportunity to offer their point of view. Conclude with some specific suggestions and agree a date for a review.

DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS WITH STAFF

Difficult conversations about safeguarding may also need to take place between senior staff and other staff members. We expect staff to carry out their responsibilities with fragile families, but we should never underestimate the daily stress of working with children who do not appear to be thriving, and trying to approach and link with evasive or volatile parents. It's a wonder that practitioners do such a magnificent job. But, occasionally, an individual is not sufficiently vigilant and does not pursue suspicions that something is amiss. It is critical that senior managers are aware that, in this respect, the quality of provision for families is lacking.

Possible areas of concern

- Insufficient knowledge of each unique child and consequent inability to 'read' their behaviour.

- Failure to recognise potential abuse by attributing withdrawn behaviour, bruises and minor fractures to the child being 'off-colour' or prone to accidents.

- Reluctance to enquire from parents about a child who appears to have an injury/bruise that is not accounted for.

- Avoidance of parents who are difficult to approach and failure to follow up issues of concern.

- Inadequate records of observations and lack of insight following the observations.

- Lack of communication with other parties which delays a multi-agency approach to support fragile families.

- Personal beliefs and judgemental attitudes about childcare and children's welfare that restricts open-mindedness.

Strategies

Have in place:

- Regular sessions of supportive supervision with all staff.

- Systems for annual performance management.

(These strategies should include an agenda for protecting vulnerable children and work with fragile families.)

Approach

In your approach to difficult meetings with staff, make sure you:

- know staff as individuals and be familiar with their work

- ensure confidentiality and encourage staff to feel safe and speak honestly

- have a collegiate conversation with the message that you are a professional companion rather than a leader who 'knows it all'

- listen carefully without judging

- encourage and model reflective practice, helping staff to feel that they are a valuable team member.

The meeting

- Prepare thoroughly and know what you need to communicate.

- Know how you are going to convey messages - for example, through eye contact and simple, straightforward language.

- Concentrate on what is important - don't be deflected.

- Start by identifying the staff member's strengths but be frank about concerns about their performance (giving specific examples of practice).

Conclusion

When concluding the meeting:

- Keep to time.

- Agree and record two or three actions to be discussed at a follow-up meeting.

- End on a note of encouragement.

The prospect of having a difficult conversation can be stressful and cause sleepless nights. However, in certain circumstances, it is an essential task for key persons and leaders and is in the interests of children and families. In the best instances, a conversation will strengthen a relationship with a parent or staff member and will improve the quality of parenting and practice.

Practical points

- Read and discuss any papers on having difficult conversations and add pointers from your own experiences.

- Aim to offer fresh advice to colleagues and gain information to improve your own practice.

'Vulnerable children and fragile families' will be included in the new edition of Young Children's Personal, Social and Emotional Development (Sage Publications), available this summer

REFERENCES

1. Gerhardt, S (2004) Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain, Brunner-Routledge

2. Utting, D (2009) Parenting services: Filling in the gaps. Assessing and Meeting the Need for Parenting Support Services, Family & Parenting Institute

3. Department for Education (2011) Statutory Guidance: The core purpose of Sure Start children's centres, DfE.

4. Ofsted (2012) Inspection of Sure Start Children's Centres. Consultation document, www.ofsted.gov.uk/resources/inspection-of-sure-start-childrens-centres

5. Royston, S, Rodrigues, L (2013) Breaking barriers: How to help children's centres reach disadvantaged families, The Children's Society

6. National Quality Improvement Network (2010) Establishing Relationships with Vulnerable Families, National Children's Bureau.

PHotos at Everton Nursery School and Children's Centre by Guzelian

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