The process of weaning, occurring towards the end of the first year, is perhaps the first major transition in a child's life and may give an indication of the style of the child and parent in managing future major transitions. Weaning marks an important stage in the baby's developing independence when the intimate, inward-looking nature of the relationship between mother and baby is relinquished and the baby becomes increasingly aware of her separateness from her mother, gradually looking outwards to the world beyond her.
PERSONALITY TRAITS
Some babies and their mothers seem to make this transition with apparent ease while for others this process is more difficult. The personality of the baby will play a part in how this can be managed; some babies seem naturally more robust while others are more sensitive. However, for successful weaning to take place, the mother needs to take responsibility for the process, to be sensitive to her baby's changing needs and feelings and to trust that ultimately both she and her baby will be able to survive the feelings of loss and move on.
Nursery staff will recognise that managing the process of weaning, with its inevitable conflicts, is not unlike the process of facilitating and easing the next major transitions in a child's life, which are starting nursery and school. Good early years provision supports these transitions by extending what has been learned at home rather than providing a watered down version of what is on offer in primary schools. Staff create a setting that is familiar enough for children to feel safe yet offers opportunities for children to extend their knowledge and develop at their own pace.
STARTING NURSERY
For many children, starting nursery is their first experience of life outside their immediate circle of family and friends. They encounter other children with different experiences and expectations. And, perhaps most important, they have to share nursery staff with other children.
There is a considerable element of trust when a parent hands over their child to nursery staff, and it is therefore crucial to develop an open and positive relationship with parents. Most pre-schools stagger the entry of new children and encourage parents to stay with their children for a settling-in period. This is helpful not only in enabling the child to feel safe in their new surroundings, but in reassuring parents who may be feeling anxious about leaving their children.
Daniel and his family, for example, moved into a new neighbourhood when he was three years old. His big sister started at a new school and his father had to work away for long hours. Friends and family had been left behind.
When Daniel started pre-school part-time just two months after the family had moved, he sat on his mother's lap, refusing to play or respond to anyone else. Staff were sensitive to Daniel's situation and encouraged his mother to stay and over the weeks that followed, he gradually gained the confidence to leave his mother's lap and explore his new surroundings.
His mother also had an opportunity to get to know staff and trust that her child would be well looked after. One morning, after about six weeks, Daniel bravely announced that mummy could leave him at play-school. He continued to attend very happily and although there were still occasions when he was reluctant to separate from his mother, she now felt confident that he was enjoying his experience and could tolerate being without her. This in turn helped Daniel feel that he could manage, and within a few months he was asking to go to playschool every morning.
STARTING SCHOOL
Towards the end of their time at nursery most children reach a stage when they suddenly seem big and 'ready for school'. They are now the eldest in the class and have come a long way since starting nursery. Some look forward to school and manage their anxiety about moving on by denigrating it and behaving in a challenging way. Others are more able to articulate their worries as well as their excitement about starting school.
And there are many who, through a combination of support from home and pre-school genuinely seem ready to move on. It is again important for staff to recognise that for most children, the move involves an element of loss as well as excitement related to a new beginning.
Grace, for example, had been a rather stormy toddler but had enjoyed nursery from her first day there. She had quickly gained the reputation of being a rather articulate, competent and confident character. Grace had settled in easily and during her time at nursery her behaviour at home had also matured. Her parents were very proud, and as the time began to approach for her to move to school, they found themselves praising her a great deal for being such a clever and grown-up girl.
Then, quite suddenly during her final term, Grace began to revert back to her toddler-like behaviour at home. She became demanding and had temper tantrums. She was clingy and had a number of toileting accidents.
After some weeks, Grace's parents met with her nursery teacher to discuss the difficulties. Staff had noticed the separation difficulties each morning and felt that Grace had been rather subdued.
When her teacher suggested that Grace might be feeling worried about the move to school, her parents felt this made sense and decided to ease off and allow Grace to be the little girl that she was. They talked about school and Grace was able to say that she felt sad about leaving nursery.
Her parents and nursery teacher were able to reassure her and within a few weeks, she was back to her old self. Grace moved on to school without any difficulty and was soon enjoying the busy life of a reception class child.
Just as communication between home and nursery is vital in supporting children making the transition into nursery, good communication between nursery and school is essential in supporting children who are moving on to school. Visits from reception teachers are encouraged by many nursery schools and visits by parents and children to meet their new teachers in the school setting are often arranged during the summer term.
The transition from home to school is a big step on the road to independence. Nurseries and pre-schools can, and do, play a vital role in supporting children and their parents through this transition and on to the next phase of development.
This article is based on a Nursery World 'Behaviour' series by psychologists at the Anna Freud Centre in north London, a registered charity, offering treatment, training and research into emotional development in childhood
