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Nothing could be clearer. But over the years we have become increasingly aware that this is far from reality for many children. We have moved from the recognition of ‘battered baby syndrome’ in 1962 to the more accurate term ‘physical abuse’, to the recognition of sexual and emotional abuse. Whatever the term, the hidden nature of these different forms of abuse are a part of our history and they continue to challenge any basic assumption that a safe, secure and loving home environment is inevitable.
The challenge of ‘being curious’ cannot be under-estimated, but neither can its importance. This is not to repeat that message but to be reminded of one more issue where this could not be more important – the impact of domestic abuse on children.
Where a couple’s relationship breaks down and one of the factors is domestic violence, a court must take that into account when considering the contact arrangements for the child. This directly reflects our understanding that abuse does not have to be specifically directed at the child. Seeing, feeling and thinking about conflict between mum and dad can have profound consequences.
New guidance was issued on 2 October to family court judges. It reinforces the message that this is not optional but imperative when deciding on contact arrangements. There is a general assumption that both parents have the right to have contact with their children and for children to have contact with both parents. But evidence that contact arrangements are perpetuating the child’s experience of violence cannot be ignored. The difficulty in judges finding a solution cannot be under-estimated – especially when there are deeply opposing arguments. What is the evidence about who inflicts violence on whom? How do we assess the impact of what children see, think and feel, and what is likely to happen in the future?
While the new guidance is explicit for judges, it is a challenge to every one of us. We need to be curious when children are repeatedly frightened, upset or quiet, and to feel safe in doing so. All children can hide what they experience, but a trusted adult can open the door to what is going on inside.
John Simmonds is director of policy, research and development at CoramBAAF