Earlier this year my friend went to pick up his granddaughter who was going to stay overnight with him and his wife. They took her back to nursery in the morning and only then did they find out that she should have been in fancy dress. The parents had previously received a letter about it, but being busy working parents with other children, they had simply forgot to pass the information on. The result: one very unhappy child.
I myself have had similar experiences; I picked my grandson up from nursery as he was going to stay overnight with us. Unbeknownst to me, he had an outdoor activity to complete before the next day. I only found out because I had to phone his parents about something else by chance, so fortunately we were able to do the requested nature walk and record the plants, insects and trees we had seen.
I have worked in schools and education for over a decade, focusing on inclusion and literacy improvement, but it wasn’t until I became a grandparent and ended up on the other side of the nursery gates that I realised just how many grandparents are involved in the nursery run. I drop off/pick up my grandson a couple of times a week on average. Like most of the other grandparents who work, this can vary from week to week. On some days, these ‘grampys’ outnumber parents 2:1.
What’s the reason for this phenomenon? I asked around and there appeared to be two main reasons: parents’ financial need to work; and grandparents wanting to be as involved as possible in their grandchildren’s lives.
UNDER-APPRECIATED
According to the stereotype, grandparents are grumpy old so-and-sos who drive a motorised scooter, hate children and love a certain sweet. Yet in reality, many grandparents are not retired and still work full or part-time. As the age of retirement increases, this is unlikely to change.
Despite this, as the cases of the fancy-dress and the nature walk serve to illustrate, the lack of formal recognition for the role of grandparents has consequences for children at nursery. Fortunately, in my friend’s case, there was a solution – he only lives five minutes away and happened to have a stock of dressing-up clothes to hand. I now make sure I ask for clarification on anything that my grandchildren may need for nursery the following day. However, the question is, should the onus be on the grandparents to ask, or the nursery staff to make sure they let us know? Should there be a note, email or text sent to grandparents (with parents’ permission) to let them know what’s expected?
COMMUNICATION PROBLEM
I can think of several areas where grandparents are particularly well-placed to help their grandchildren. Literacy and numeracy are examples. But we can’t help in a useful way unless we know how to continue work started in nursery. Sometimes it’s communication of very simple things, such as the version of a book the child is used to.
It turns out that the Goldilocks picture book I bought for my grandson is different from the one he has got to know at nursery, so the descriptions in mine of the porridge, beds and chairs are all different, and confusing for him – nothing better to put him off reading.
If grandparents are to be like second parents, then there are more serious issues to consider as well. After having a conversation with one of my grandson’s nursery teachers about toileting and continuation of nursery work at our home, with the full permission and support from his mother and father (my daughter and son in law), I realised that there had been no official conversation with the nursery regarding confidentiality. The nursery teacher had no idea if I had permission from his parents to have this conversation – and what if I hadn’t and they complained afterwards?
Legally in the UK, grandparents have no automatic legal right of contact with their grandchildren. While to many grandparents this seems very unfair, it’s a fact and something that everyone needs to be aware of, particularly should a family problem arise. For example, there could be a family dispute that the nursery isn’t aware of. Say a grandparent is ‘banned’ from picking a child up and, desperate to see the grandchild, phones to ask if the child can be picked up ten minutes earlier. If the nursery allows it to happen, they could have a huge incident on their hands when the parent turns up.
Grampy policy
I have asked a number of nursery teachers if they have a ‘grampy policy’ – a set of guidelines or even a strategy for grampy inclusion – and so far I haven’t found one who has. This has led me to think about creating such a set of guidelines, covering:
Safeguarding – when are grandparents caring for/picking up the child? If the child is in the care of the grandparents two days a week, does the nursery have a grandparental contact number if there is an issue in the nursery or if the nursery is closed?
Confidentiality – what are parents happy for grandparents to discuss and what not?
Responsibilities – an agreement of what the nursery’s responsibilities are towards grandparents (such as letting them know about relevant books or projects) and vice versa.
Communication – how and when grandparents will be communicated with; will they receive the same information as parents and guardians about nursery times, special event days, holidays, etc?
I’d also want the policy to publicly demonstrate the value of grandparents to the nursery/school and wider community, and portray a positive image of them.
I know nursery staff are busy, but ‘a stitch in time saves nine’. Some time spent now getting this organised could save time later and improve the nursery experience for everyone.
So I would like to hear from nursery practitioners. Do you believe there is a need for a set of guidelines? What would you suggest they were focused on?
A quick grampy audit may also help to ascertain whether this is relevant to you. This could take the form of questions such as:
- How many grandparents do you have regularly dropping off/pickingup children?
- Do you know the names of the grandparents who regularly pick up/drop off children?
- Have you asked what your grandparents might be able to contribute to your nursery? What skills/ experiences do they have?
- Do you think a ‘grampy welcome pack’ with the info grandparents need to be fully involved would be a good idea?
Richard O’Neill is an award-winning storyteller, children’s author and trainer, based in Lancashire. Email rroneill@aol.com or visit www.richardthestoryteller.weebly.com and www.story4biz.weebly.com
