can sometimes lead to something more, says Working Mum
Us working parents gossip about our childcare. A lot. It may seem that we're individually dropping our children off at nursery and dashing into work, but over the months the nods to fellow parents turn to hellos and then quick chats on the way to the tube or back to our cars. These conversations are then resumed when we bump into each other at the local play park or swimming pool.
As well as being friendly, parents talk to each other for reassurance. We're leaving our children with total strangers, albeit registered and inspected, and we want affirmation from others that we're entrusting our children to a quality setting.
The vast majority of the time, this swapping of information is reassuring and helpful - sharing engaging activities you've seen that day, or confirming that the nursery will be closed for a training day.
It was great when a mum commented in passing to me that she always saw DD1 (Dear Daughter 1) eating healthy breakfasts. I had asked that she wasn't given chocolate cereal, but had no real way of knowing whether this request was carried out.
Throwaway comments
But this interaction is not always positive. Someone can also make a comment that niggles. A mum in the park expressed her concern that no new children were starting at our nursery. I dwelt on this for a couple of weeks and worried that it was going to close until I happened to see a staff member cuddling a new baby. I laughed at myself for being paranoid.
A friend swapped phone numbers with a parent when they were jointly settling their children into another setting. He regretted it when he started receiving text messages from the mum warning him to check ratios when he collected his son because she'd seen a staff member in Tesco.
Technology has made it much easier for parents to gossip about their childcare. I'd recommend any nursery manager monitors what is being said about their setting on social media. One negative comment can be read and spread quickly by hundreds of people. The Facebook page for parents in my area is regularly used to ask for personal recommendations for daycare. While most post positive comments about the nurseries they use, there are a few who hold a grudge about an issue and spread rumours.
Two of my friends' children attend nursery with DD2 (Dear Daughter 2). We have a Whats App group where we message each other. It's often throwaway comments - that one of the girls gave us a hug when we went to collect our child, for example - but we also started commenting on the nursery looking scruffy. In the end we arranged a meeting with the nursery manager.
We appreciate that staff have long demanding days, so we offered to tidy the outdoor area ourselves one weekend. But staff had a big clear out and the setting looked fantastic. Coming together helped us to address a problem in, I feel, a constructive way. It wasn't idle gossip.
My friends' support then helped me a few weeks ago when DD2 was uncharacteristically distraught at drop-off. I planned to phone her key person later in the morning to check how DD2 was, but also messaged my friends asking them to report back if they saw her. There was no need to phone the nursery; a photo (taken with permission from a practitioner) popped up on my phone and I saw DD2 grinning and greeting her friend. That's all the reassurance I needed.
A WORD OF ADVICE
Appropriate social media management can make all the difference when a problem arises, says Nicola Wardropper, early years adviser at the National Day Nurseries Association
Social media can be a superb way of spreading the word about what a great job you do. Things can turn sour, however, if people say negative things about you. One comment can prompt another, then another - and you have a problem.
To minimise this risk, nurseries should talk to parents about good conduct on social media at induction. A good complaints process, too, is vital, so that parents have a clear channel to be heard - and hopefully won't vent online.
Maintaining harmony
Here are some tips for maintaining harmony on your Facebook page or Twitter feed.
Monitor your social media accounts out of hours. If people are posting about you in the evening and at weekends, you need to know quickly.
Respond to negative comments. A simple 'Hi there, sorry to hear you've been having trouble. Please call or email us and we'll see what we can do to help' shows you are courteous and keen to assist.
If something incorrect is posted, have your say politely but don't get into an argument. Take the discussion offline. Say you are sending a private message, so people can see you are responding, and do so.
Give the individual a call, or talk face to face, if possible. A chat could help reach a solution and promote understanding.
Finally, think before you post. Unwittingly saying something that could offend could quickly make your nursery a target.
If things get out of hand you might need to take legal advice (NDNA has a legal helpline for members). If a staff member is being attacked personally, get the police involved.
Happily, though, social media does tend to self-regulate. If you're well-regarded in your community, a negative comment is sure to be countered by satisfied parents highlighting your virtues.
