Psychological surveys reveal that moving house is a traumatic life event for adults, ranking it third in terms of stress after the death of a partner and divorce. Can you remember when you last moved house? So many changes, so much to organise, so many adjustments to make.
All the pressures and excitements felt by you as a result of moving house are also felt by young children. In some ways it is even harder for them because they have no previous experience of moving house to draw on for reassurance.
The impact of moving
There are many reasons why a child in your nursery, or a child for whom you are a childminder or nanny, can be stressed by the prospect of a house move. These include:
- Loss of familiarity She will have to adjust to a new bedroom, a new living room, a new kitchen and a new bathroom. No matter how lovely her new house is, she'll be sorry to leave familiar surroundings where the sights, sounds and smells are such an important part of her life. Familiarity is comforting.
- Loss of friends The child will be afraid of losing contact with her friends in the neighbourhood, even if she stays in the same area. She wants life to stay the same and the impending change in relationships can upset her. Friendships are so important to her at this age. As the house move draws closer, this worry will intensify.
- Loss of nursery If the house move entails a change of nursery (perhaps because the family is moving to a new town), she won't welcome this. She'll have to get used to new nursery nurses, a new nursery building, a new peer group who already know each other, and new travel arrangements.
- Loss of routine She likes routine because it makes her feel safe and secure. Moving house however this is managed disrupts her existing routine, at least temporarily anyway. Her timetable changes, her route to nursery changes, and she may have to join a different 'school run'. Interruptions to routine can result in distress.
- Loss of comfort Although many house moves arise from a positive change in family circumstances (such as job promotion or a move to a better area), there are also many that stem from negative factors (such as unemployment, inability to pay bills or parental separation) and in these circumstances, the move is not welcomed by the child.
Reassure the child
There is lots you can do to reassure a pre-schooler who is facing a house move. First of all, start discussions about her house move long before it happens. The child's reaction is hard to predict. Almost certainly, however, once her initial excitement at the idea has died down, she'll begin to express concerns over the effect that the move will have on her life. Listen to what she has to say.
As an adult, you know she'll cope with the transition, but she isn't so sure. She will benefit from hearing your own tales about house moving, about how you were worried and yet it all turned out fine. If she does voice concerns to you, offer reassurance.
You'd be amazed at the things a child might worry about for example, that her goldfish won't survive the car journey from her old home to the new one, or that her favourite cuddly toy will be sad. No matter how silly or trivial her worries may seem, they are very real to her. Don't underestimate the positive effect your own optimism can have on her attitude.
Speak to her parents as well. There's no harm in reminding them that their pre-schooler is sensitive. It's all too easy for the grown-ups to become so involved in dealing with all the organisational demands of moving house that they forget about the emotional impact of the move on the children.
Tactfully point out that their child talks in the nursery about moving house and that you think she might be a little unsettled by it. A gentle reminder of this sort encourages mum and dad to keep their child in mind amid everything else going on.
Suggest that they should involve their child in decisions about decorations and furnishings for her room. Within limits, there is no reason why a four-year-old should not have a say in the colour of her bedroom paint and in the pattern of her wallpaper. This makes her feel more connected to the house move, a more active participant in the process, and consequently she'll feel less anxious. NW
