I strongly disagree with his advice, and hope other solutions could be considered. Simply not going to nursery is one option. Parents are made to feel that going to nursery is not a choice but a necessity and are sometimes told that children who don't attend nursery will not 'fit in' at school. This is not the case. It is perfectly possible for a child to go into school happily without having attended nursery. Conversely, not every nursery child goes into school as a perfectly well behaved and independent individual. 'Fitting in' at school depends more upon the child's age, emotional maturity and experiences at home than on their nursery attendance.
There are lots of other ways the child could get the social experience he desperately needs, with the support of his grandma. Mother and toddler groups, gym groups and music clubs would offer a gentle introduction to social interaction.
I would invite Gran to come and work with her grandchild in the nursery, thus maximising my opportunity to chat to her about ways she can help him, and allowing me to observe how the pair interact. The child would begin to associate nursery with secure, happy feelings, rather than misery, and this would make it more likely that he eventually settled.
I might also consider employing a one-to-one helper for this child with special emotional needs. He needs to learn to form healthy bonds with other adults, and with his peers. This may take some time. A learning support worker will be able to offer the time and understanding necessary for this.
Childcare settings are almost as individual as children themselves, and it is possible that a different setting might suit this child better - a skilled childminder,a different nursery or playgroup which is quieter/busier, larger/smaller, more/less formal.
With grandma's permission I might also invite the child's health visitor, or another professional working with the family to observe them in the nursery, and share their own perspectives with me.
What I absolutely would not do, for the sake of my staff, the other children, and most of all, the distressed child himself, is keep the child in my setting crying constantly.
There is so much that can be done to ensure that this child gets social stimulation and skilled help without causing him distress. There is no need for us to fall back on the old-fashioned remedy of ignoring the crying until he gives up and learns to 'be a big brave boy'.
Kay Stead, Tewkesbury, Gloucestershire
