Nursery World - Best mates

Why is it so important to some children to have a best friend, and do all such friendships form for the same reason? Can they get in the way of the adults trying to run an out-of-school club? Andrea Clifford-Poston considers some of the rules of attraction a significant change takes place in friendships at the onset of the 'tween'

a significant change takes place in friendships at the onset of the 'tween'

(pre-teenage) years. Tweens are beginning to think about sexual relationships, and for this age group friendships may be a transitional area between home and sexual relationships. Friends act as both a refuge from sexual anxiety and a move towards sexual relationships.

Many nine-year-olds are not only beginning to make friends independent of the family's circle of friends, they are also becoming aware of degrees of friendships. As one said, 'I get invited to the parties but nobody asks me round... like for tea or anything.' This girl was aware of the subtle nuances in the difference between the kind of friend who gets invited to tea and other friends. She was longing to have a best friend, and because she didn't have one she considered herself 'mateless'.

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