Children are women's work; that has been the traditional view. Male nursery or primary teachers are almost unheard of. Somehow men are considered 'unsafe'. As Bob Geldof says, 'Not all men are brutal indifferent bores and all women ministering angels.'
The result, in this world of 50 per cent-plus family breakdown, is that many children may not encounter a male authority figure until they reach their teens.
Research is unequivocal that where there's an involved dad, teenage girls suffer less pregnancy, boys get in less trouble, and both do better at school and have higher self-esteem.
So let's not pathologise family breakdown. Sadly, it's now close to normality - mostly normal parents throwing in the towel on their relationships, and not because either partner is innately evil, or hopeless as a parent.
'Safety' has become policy makers' obsession. I think there may often be a gender divide on this which sometimes leads to conflict between parents. In the yin and yang of parenting, mothers may teach safety, fathers danger.
Children need to know both.
Mothers get residence of the children 90 per cent of the time. Suppose that it is indeed 'in the best interests'; we still fail to understand why our small children can't be allowed to come and stay over with us. Surely the earlier the children get used to it, the better.
Parents in intact families will happily leave a six-month-old baby to stay with grandmother overnight, or even for a week. Why not dad? Childminders get quality time with the kids, while often a perfectly decent, nappy-changing, bottle-feeding-in-the- night dad can only get a couple of hours at a contact centre.
And however great the nursery, it will not be a replacement for quality time with a parent. The work culture is shifting rapidly, and many dads can work flexitime. After family breakdown, many shift heaven and earth to do just that. Such dads should be encouraged, not quietly 'dissed'.
