Saying goodbye

Children suffer bereavement in much the same way as adults, but they are unlikely to have the language or emotional skills to be able to deal with their feelings at such a time. When a family pet dies, the grief felt by a young child can often appear to be on the same scale as that caused by the death of a relative or close friend.

Generally, people go through three phases after a bereavement. The first brings feelings of shock, disbelief and helplessness. The second is often despair and grief. The third is one of resolution - picking up the pieces, beginning to move on. Each phase will be experienced in slightly different ways, depending on the age of the child. For example, under-threes will have no concept of death but be aware of separation by absence. They may protest against further separations and experience feeding difficulties, disrupted sleep patterns and wetting or toileting problems. Children aged from three to five may develop a stronger fear of abandonment and can become aggressive or exhibit very rejecting or demanding behaviour.