Experience and research has shown us the importance of involving and consulting with the parents of children whom we have identified as having a special educational need. Parents are a child's first educator, and those who know the child best.
It is crucial for parents to follow through strategies at home that have been implemented by the team and practitioners in the early years setting. Parents may also have developed strategies for helping their child's communication and behaviour. Research has also told us that where home and school work together on strategies, success is more likely.
But sometimes we have found ourselves acting as negotiators between a child's parents who disagree about what is best, and sometimes blame one another for their child's special need. In such cases, the best interests of the child may unintentionally have been overlooked while the parents struggle to accept that their child has a special need, however moderate. We find that parents may have a host of emotional reactions to this idea, which can significantly affect their ability to engage with staff.
A parent's own upbringing can be a factor in their choice of strategies and reactions. Sadly, we have met parents who ridicule their child, or shout at them, as if this would help them to talk or behave better. We realise that sometimes they may be embarrassed or feel guilty about the difficulties their child is experiencing. They can also be grieving for the 'perfect' child and this distress can show itself in many ways, such as being angry with those who identify the difficulties. Where practitioners are faced with these strong feelings, they may need a lot of support from supervisors and colleagues.
Child focus
Four-year-old Adriano first came to the attention of the team when his mother started attending parent/ child interaction therapy sessions at a clinic run by our speech and language therapist. Christa, Adriano's mother, would frequently talk to the therapist about the difficulties that she was experiencing within her marriage. It would often take several minutes when Christa arrived for the therapist to redirect her attention to the play session with Adriano.
At about the same time Adriano was also referred directly to the team by the manager of the nursery he attended. She was concerned about his delayed language skills and the disturbing and calculating behaviour he was exhibiting.
It emerged that Adriano had witnessed his parents' volatile and sometimes violent arguments. Many of these arguments had focused on their disagreements about how best to parent Adriano. Adriano's father, Mike, who had recently been made redundant, saw his son's non-compliance and silent behaviour as a direct challenge to his authority. His mother, however, through her attendance with Adriano at the parent/child interaction sessions at the clinic, had understood that Adriano's failure to respond to his father's commands or directions was a result of his difficulties understanding and processing language.
A member of our team met both parents to discuss the nursery's concerns and explain about the Early Years Intervention Team. Adriano's father appeared quiet and tense, citing his strict upbringing and remote relationship with his father as his model for parenting. Christa used this information as a means to further undermine him. She appeared to be unaware of the potential harm she was creating for the emotional development of Adriano by constantly criticising his father in his presence. It was becoming evident that there were many emotional aspects to Adriano's developmental difficulty.
Silent tormentor
An observation made of Adriano at nursery revealed a largely non-verbal little boy, an observer and an apparent outsider among his peers. Adriano was a silent tormentor, blocking smaller children on the climbing frame and taking toys away from other children.
Following the observation and discussions with his key worker, our team considered how best we could support him in the few weeks before he was due to transfer to school.
Our speech and language therapist reported that Adriano was benefiting from the parent/child interaction sessions and suggested that Mike should be encouraged to attend one, so that he could appreciate the difficulties his son was experiencing and the progress he was making.
Parent/child or adult/child interaction therapy is an approach to developing a child's language by enskilling the adult to make changes in the way they interact with the child. We know from research and experience that children with delayed language development initiate and respond less in communication and that, in an effort to help, most adults get into the habit of 'talking for them'.
Adults tend to bombard the child with questions and directions in an effort to encourage talking. As a result, the child has less opportunity to start and maintain conversations and interaction becomes unbalanced. Parent/child interaction therapy focuses on redressing the balance, by supporting the adult in letting the child take the lead in communication, initially during five minutes 'special play time' together.
Special time
While we had concerns about the behaviour that Adriano was exhibiting in the nursery we decided that initially we would focus on his language development and work with his parents to resolve some of their differences in opinion about how best to parent him.
One of the team's inclusion teachers arranged to visit the nursery and model adult/child interaction for Adriano's key worker. It was anticipated that the key worker would then allocate five minutes' special time each day to work and play with Adriano, following his lead in the activity and reinforcing his spontaneous language. The inclusion teacher would then continue to visit once a week to follow up on Adriano's progress. In this way, we knew that both home and nursery would be using similar strategies to develop Adriano's language.
A home visit was arranged at which the educational psychologist, having first checked that the difficulties were confined to language and behavioural issues, planned to think through some ways in which both parents could work together. They were asked to compile a list of all the words they heard their son say in a single week. This gave them something constructive to talk about, and encouraged them to be focused on Adriano, rather than each other.
They were asked to record when they gave Adriano his five minutes of special time, and his choice of activity. A similar request was made to the nursery, and these became the focus of the next review meeting, where we discussed ideas for expanding his vocabulary, using Adriano's interests.
Turn taking
While we know that there is research suggesting that home factors can affect a child's development, our relationship with the family in this case had reassured us that Adriano was not being deliberately neglected. We were able to reassure his parents that the difficulties were developmental, and that they could work with us to overcome them.
Having their guilt and anxieties reduced, made the parents more open to discussion with nursery staff. Linking Adriano's interests at home and nursery validated their role and contribution. Having taken a step towards a more positive reframing of the situation, the parents were able to begin to think about better behaviour management skills.
This began with 'catching him being good' and praising him. A short script for the adults: 'use your words', while the adult waited expectantly, encouraged Adriano to try to communicate verbally. We asked them to model the good behaviours of sharing, turn taking and negotiating.
Strategies for supporting Adriano's behaviour when it was not his turn, included holding a sand timer while he was waiting, praising his waiting and using the Makaton sign for waiting. The adults began to use a script of 'my turn...your turn', to explain the structure of this social skill. Adriano was able to respond to some of these ideas, and we were able to pass on the strategies to his reception teacher at the transition meeting.
In early years work we meet families whose lives are not easy. We are not able to solve their problems but we can try to make a difference, however small, to one part of their lives and hope that the momentum for change can affect other aspects. What all settings do for their children is offer an alternative environment to home. Many parents say how ideas, such as modelling good behaviour and interaction, 'rub off' on them, and so in this way we are all working together to support the child.
