A good starting point is to understand that children, like adults, go through several sleep cycles in the night. During these cycles, there are times when they are in a very deep sleep and others when their sleep is lighter and they are likely to be dreaming.
It is at these times that they are more likely to wake up or to have nightmares or night terrors.
AVOID A DISTURBED NIGHT
Before looking at what to do if a child is waking in the night, let's look at ways in which we might actually prevent it from happening.
Some problems can be avoided by ensuring that your child is not overtired. Moving back bedtime may be all that it takes, as overtired children tend to have more disrupted sleep cycles.
Work out how much sleep your child has, including any naps. As a guide, most young children under five years will need around 11 to 12 hours over a 24-hour period. A child having less than nine hours is likely to run into problems.
Signs that your child could do with a little more sleep include irritability, emotional outbursts and a reluctance to start the day with a smile! If you think that your child could do with extra sleep, try moving bedtime back gradually by five or so minutes a day. Try also to increase their amount of physical activity, especially outdoors, as this can really help children with their sleep.
LEARNING TO FALL BACK TO SLEEP
Some children wake in the night because they have not learned how to fall asleep unaided. They may be used to having a dummy, soft music or their parents stroking them. While this is a wonderful way to fall asleep, the downside is that when they wake up, the thing that helped them to drift off is no longer there, and so they become distressed.
If your child falls into this category, you will need to reorganise their bedtime routine so that they learn to drop off by themselves. I know that this is easier said than done, but if you can manage to do it, you are pretty much guaranteed hassle-free bedtimes.
Advice on how to manage bedtimes is abundant. Personally, I tend to veer towards a gentle approach. For example, if your child is used to having you in the room, try moving a metre away each night or having frequent popping-out periods. More extreme methods of getting children 're-trained' do work and can be quicker, but be prepared for quite a few tears (including your own!).
PHYSICAL CAUSES
Sometimes children wake up and then become alert because of some physical causes. A good example of this is thirst. It can be worth putting a lidded beaker of water by the side of the bed once your child has fallen asleep. Having a luminescent sticker on the beaker can help them to find it.
Some children also wake up because they need the toilet. Think about making this as easy as possible with the minimum amount of light, such as a low-level light on the landing, or even keeping a potty in the room.
In the same way, some children wake up because they have wet the bed. If this happens regularly, ask your health visitor for advice or visit www.eric.org.uk, a voluntary organisation that specialises in bedwetting.
NIGHTMARES AND TERRORS
From the age of two years onwards, some children will have nightmares. Frightening dreams may wake a child and they will call out or go into their parents' bedroom.
The best plan of action here is to give your child a cuddle and some reassurance and then take them back to their own bed. It can be helpful to make sure there is a little light coming into the room. While it is tempting to let your child fall asleep in your bed, this might be the start of your child coming in regularly.
Night terrors are different, in that your child may scream without actually waking. Some children will often fall into a deeper sleep once the terror has passed and not remember anything about it in the morning. It is alarming for parents, but there is little that you can do in such cases, apart from being quietly reassuring.
While nightmares and night terrors cannot always be prevented, they are more common in children who are not getting enough sleep. Watching something frightening on a DVD or television will also trigger them.
IF YOUR CHILD WAKES IN THE NIGHT OCCASIONALLY ...
- Check that your child is not poorly
- Reassure your child and guide back to bed
IF YOUR CHILD WAKES UP MOST NIGHTS ...
- Do as suggested above, but stay calm and avoiding talking
- Keep lights low - try installing a dimmer switch in the bedroom
- Be ready to keep taking your child back to their bedroom - this will require lots of persistence, but will eventually work
- Give your child plenty of praise in the morning if they have managed to sleep through the night.
CASE STUDY
'Connor began waking in the night a few months after Ellie was born. One night I popped into his room to get something and he woke up. We had a little cuddle. The next night at about the same time, he called out and so I went to him. For the first week or so, I thought it was just a phase, but then he started to wake up a couple of times a night. It felt as if I was on permanent night duty, as I was still feeding Ellie at night.
'At first, I thought I could cope, but then it became too much. It was my health visitor who saved me. I burst into tears when she asked how I was coping. She told me it was a common problem and suggested that I should not go in immediately but instead tell Connor I would be seeing him later.
'She also suggested that I spent some special time with him alone in the day. The first two nights he did wait for me to come, but on the third night, he fell back asleep. The next morning we all celebrated!'
