I am working in the nursery that my daughter attends. Last month when she turned two, she started in the same room as me. She is very clingy and is often attention-seeking. She tries to stop me from talking to other children and is a real handful. We decided that I would not be her key person, but in reality she rarely spends time with her key person. She also calls me 'mummy' in front of the other children which doesn't seem fair as she is then getting special treatment. My manager is supportive, but I am finding the situation very stressful.
Let me start by saying that you are not alone in this. Many parents who work in early years and have their children with them also find it tricky at times. It is a situation that many childminders find themselves in at one point or another. It is also interesting that some parents who have two or more children report that while it was problematic with one child, it was plain sailing with another.
A good starting point is to understand that there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to working in the same room as your child, providing that you are paying equal regard to other people's children. The key is to be flexible and to really work out what is fair and practicable in this situation. There are rarely any 'magic' solutions, but here are some points that you might wish to consider.
ATTENTION SEEKING
I feel that it is not surprising that your daughter is seeking your attention. As I understand from your question, up until now, your daughter has not been with you before while you are working. From her perspective, she now has constant access to you and this is new for her. She is also adjusting to being in a new room with new children. I suspect that she is still making the transition between the previous room and this new one. So, it is normal that she wants to be with you as she has a pre-existing bond with you. If this was any other child coming into a room who needed additional attention, I imagine that you would be ready to provide it. I am, therefore, wondering if you are holding back from your own child because you fear that this will be seen as favouritism. Ironically, we do know that children whose parents are 'holding back' from them are more likely to show attention-seeking and also clingy behaviour. Perhaps this explains to some extent her behaviours.
KEY PERSON
You might therefore like to consider whether you should adopt the role of being your child's key person. The idea behind the key person is to provide a surrogate bond to ensure the emotional security when children are separated from their parents. In your daughter's case you are available and so by default will always be her key person while you are with her. Accepting this might also take pressure off you.
Similarly, I do not see a problem with your child calling you 'mummy' as this is her name for you and denying her this is also likely to make her feel less secure. When she is older, I would expect that she will start to call you by the same name as the other children once she understands the difference between 'mummy' at work and 'mummy' at home.
PLAYING UP?
In your question, you mentioned that she tries to stop you from talking to other children. While some of this might be down to attention seeking, don't forget also that this is very much a developmental trait at two years. It is pretty normal to find two-year-olds pushing each other away from an adult or turning an adult's face so that they cannot carry on with what they are doing.
You also say that she is a handful - from which I deduce you mean active and not always co-operative. Again these are very much par for the course with most two-year-olds. It may be, though, that because it is your daughter exhibiting these behaviours that you notice them more. I wonder if along with many other parents who work alongside their children, you feel embarrassed when your child is playing up.
If this is the case, do try to take a mental step back and accept that your child is just being 'two' and handle the situation accordingly. The danger of not doing so is that you are likely to put a lot of pressure on yourself, but more importantly on your daughter and the benefits of your being together will be lost.
ROUTINE
One thing that might help your daughter to adjust to being in the same room will be to keep to a simple routine on your work days and make sure that on these days you carve out some time in the morning or evening to spend together. You could also create a photographic or visual timetable that will help her understand the difference between 'work mummy' and 'home mummy'. On the timetable, you indicate times that 'home mummy' will spend with her. As she is only two, it will take her a while to work out the difference, but this should become increasingly easier as her understanding develops.
Finally, you say that you have a supportive manager. This is great news as it can be useful to talk through how you feel and what is happening with someone who knows you and your daughter well and who can give you objective advice. While I would hope that, over a few more weeks, things will settle down for both of you, there are some children and parents for whom despite best efforts the combined 'work/parent' role simply does not work out. There is no shame in this. Recognising this early on is often best as the worst-case scenario is an unhappy child and a stressed practitioner.
