Positive Relationships: Child Development - In simple terms

The Early Years Foundation Stage provides us with a Child Development Overview that is broken down into six age stages, from birth to 60-plus months. The stages overlap, since children develop at different rates.

The information provided for each stage seems accurate enough, but it is hardly memorable. Deciphering 'Government-speak' - however accurate and informative - is onerous. Working with and raising children should not be such a chore.

So, I sought a way to help parents and new practitioners understand the developments of babies and young children that connected with their passion for helping children achieve. We work with children because we enjoy being with them, and what better way to understand what children go through than from their point of view?

Babies who gurgle to us with an outstretched arm are communicating. They know what they want and they are working out ways to let us know. The effort involved is equivalent to an adult learning another language.

The toddler who is able to fit puzzle pieces together has battled with co-ordination, recognition, memory, shape, size, space and persistence. This is a considerable effort for a mind that has only been around a short while. It is equivalent to an average adult trying to solve complex mathematical equations. The young child who can talk imaginatively about their understanding of the world, linking ideas, remembering the past and predicting future events, when only a few months earlier they were repeating the same few words, is demonstrating skills that we adults take for granted.

I wrote these poems to help parents appreciate these amazing achievements and understand what they can do to support their child's growing mind and body.

If parents and practitioners are to help children progress, we need to be working together. If parents are able to understand their children as practitioners do, then we should have a more productive working relationship and, hopefully, better outcomes.

- Lisa Murray is Foundation Stage leader at Mayfield House Nursery, Alton, Hampshire

BIRTH TO 11 MONTHS

I am not very old, but I am watching, listening and feeling.

I cannot talk the way you do, but I'm listening. I'm trying to talk like you. I gurgle and squeak and squawk. I laugh, smile, frown and make faces to show you how I'm feeling. I look at you the way you look at me. Talk to me the way I talk to you.

I feel cold, hot, tired, hungry, happy and sad. I don't know what it all means, but I try to let you know. Please listen to me.

I can feel when things are heavy and light, hot and cold, rough and smooth, cuddly and hard. I can see small and big and light and dark. I can taste sweet, savoury, sour and bitter. I can hear loud and quiet, high and low. I can hear your voice in a crowd. I like these things but I don't understand them. I want to learn more.

I cannot move the way you do, but I can move. I can see something I want, but I can't reach it. I stretch and make a sound to get your attention. You see me and hand it to me. We look at each other with smiles, and I am happy. I know you are too.

I don't want to be here! I want to be there - on my belly, on my bum, on my hands and knees. I don't know how I'm doing it, but I'm moving. I'm finding muscles I never knew I had.

If I pull on here I can stand up. I'm up, look at me, I'm up. Oh dear, I'm down. Try again. I can do things over and over, I won't give up, and one day I will walk like you.

Everything is new to me. I am new to me, but I'm learning all the time; touching, smelling, feeling, hearing and tasting. This is my education. Thank you.

8 TO 20 MONTHS

I've not been walking long. I sit and watch everything around me. I like to crawl sometimes too; it makes me feel safe.

I don't think I need you so much now. But I love that you are there, smiling and talking to me; I feel safe and happy.

I can get my own toys. I like this one but not that one. This is my favourite today - oooh, what's that over there?

There are others like me, who play with the toys. I'm not sure if I like to share. Sometimes we smile and talk to each other. That's nice. We play next to each other. Sometimes I don't even notice them, but they are there - with me!

I can see so many new things, inside and outside. I want to look closely at everything; touch it, smell it, taste it. There are so many new things to find. Help me explore.

Your voice has got louder; you're coming to get me. Oh, I can't climb on the chair. Is that what you're saying? I'll do it again just to make sure that's what you mean. Don't be cross. I'm learning, you see.

'Car.' Who said that? Was it me? Let's try again. It was me. Oh wow!!

I'm smiling, you're smiling. I made you happy. I'm going to find more words to say to keep us happy. I wonder what words I'll hear today - talk to me!

Some things are old, but most things are new. I need time to find out more, time to explore. I don't know what is safe until I've had a go. I can learn my limits because you're helping me to grow. I do need you, as much as ever. You trust me and I trust you. That's how it is. This is my education. Thank you.

16 TO 26 MONTHS

I can walk like you now. But do you know what’s hard? Stopping is hard. I can walk so fast. Clear me a space; I’m coming through. Holding your hand gives me the courage to try something new - climbing and sliding and swinging.  I’m getting braver and braver with you by my side; don’t go far, I want to try it again.

I love being outside. As long as I’m comfortable, the sun and the rain and the wind and the snow don’t bother me. I chase the others like me. They are becoming my friends now. We run after balls that have got away. I could keep going all day.

Those are tears. My friend is sad. I know this now. I’ll take them a present - this shoe will do. That’s a smile. My friend is happy. I know this now.

I’ve discovered books. They have lots of colours, and I know what that is - it’s a doll, a tree, a car - it’s rain, a mummy, a daddy, a child like me. Books are good on my own, but with you there are words and cuddle time, just for me and you.

I find things easy that used to be hard. This fits in here and that matches those. When I play with these puzzles I’m thinking hard. There are problems to be solved and I’m learning how.

I understand the words that you say but not always what you mean. I know lots of words and I can say them to you. I love all the words that I know, and I’ll tell them to everyone who listens and smiles.

Trying new things is what I do best. I’m not scared because you are with me - the one I trust. It’s all such a challenge, full of risks and fears. It’s all so much fun, learning how. This is my education. Thank you.

22 TO 36 MONTHS

I painted you a picture. I don’t know what it is you see, but look what happened to the colours, look at that splash and those spots, dabs and lines. They are all for you and they all came from me. 

Did you know that paints work on walls too? I’ve discovered something new. Oh dear, you look upset. I’ve done something wrong. Don’t shout at me, please. Tell me what’s wrong and I’ll try to remember. I’ll try not to do it again. Help me find something else to do, something that’s good for me and good for you.

I understand you now, and now you understand me. Let’s talk together, one at a time, taking turns - that’s what it’s called. I’m learning that too. 

Books are a wonder; the pictures make moments. I’ll let you know what I think they mean. But with you reading to me, books are better than ever. There’s always a story hidden inside. I want to hear all the stories, but I have my favourites you know - read it again, again, again. I’m not bored; why are you? If I hear the same story over and over, I can learn the words and say them like you. I’m reading it too. It makes me feel proud that I’m learning to be more like you.

My friends are all special. We play games together, but sometimes it’s hard. They don’t want to play the way I say. We need you to help us - to show us the way. I cooked the dinner the way I see you do. I poured and I mixed and I served it up too. My friends ate the sand that I cooked for them. They said it was delicious, even the broccoli I said they should try.

I can tell you what I did yesterday and today. It’s my birthday tomorrow. It might be a few months away but you said soon, so tomorrow will do.

I practise and practise at everything I know. Wow, that’s new! Tell me about it; I like talking with you. This is my education. Thank you.

30 - 50 MONTHS

Today I went to the zoo and the circus, and to top it all off, I went to the moon. I'm not lying. I really did. I went in my head, and the cleverest bit is that my friends came too. We travelled around with dinosaurs and fairies. I found a big plate - it made a great steering wheel for our rocket. Why would I put it back in the kitchen? Wheels don't go in the kitchen, do they?

I made the rocket with a box and some glue. This bit's the window and here's the fire. No, don't change it. I made it this way, not that way. I made it, not you. I need help because it's sticky, but I know what I'm doing. It will fly to the moon. I'll show you now!

Why? Why? Answer my questions! I'll ask again soon. It helps me remember and match up ideas. Don't tell me I'm wrong, I'm just not right yet. Explain things to me!

I've watched you and you've shown me how. You've done everything for me until now. I can do it alone. Please let me try. I want to do it for you, so don't get frustrated. I might be slow but I can do it. See - there you go. I told you so. I did it; it's done now.

I'm big and I'm strong and I'm clever too, but I know I still need you. I get sad and frustrated and I don't know what to do. Tell me it's ok and give me a cuddle, the way you always do. I'm small and I'm tired and I'm confused. There are so many things that are different and new. Cuddle me the way you always do.

I can do things my way because I've been watching you. You've shown me how to be a friend by being my friend. Guide me and teach me. I'm learning by doing and you're helping by showing. This is my education. Thank you

40 TO 60+ MONTHS

Lots of changes are afoot. You’ve been talking about them - I’ve heard you. You’ve bought me a uniform that matches the other ones we see on the street and in the cars. I’m going to school. Does that make me big? Am I done now? Or is there much, much more? What will I see? Who will I see? What will I learn? Will you still be there with me?

I was big at nursery but now I’m small. The others are huge; they’re seven or more. They show me new things. They can do so much more.

I’m making new friends because you taught me how. There are so many children. Some are like me and some are different. I’m learning to understand them - all of them. We do things differently, so can you help me understand how to be their friend. I know what I’m good at and what I enjoy. I know who I am.  

It makes me feel safe that so many things are the same as before. Some of the toys are the same, but I can play with them in new ways now; I’ve been practising hard. I remember making a car when I was small. It had no windows - silly me - but I’ve learned from my friends. I’ve seen the others watching me. I painted a picture. Now they can do it as well as me.

We have new tools and equipment. They used to be dangerous but now they are safe. I know how to look after myself. I can remember the rules that keep me safe, because now I understand what might happen if I don’t.  We are all working together - the teachers and my new friends.

I’m looking at books and beginning to crack the code that holds the story. The words that you read to me are starting to appear on the page. I can do it myself - a little anyway. The stories you read to me are clearer and longer now. Please don’t forget that you still understand more than me.

I’m big and I’m small, all at the same time. It’s hard to understand and hard to explain. The people have changed and the place has too. I know it’s all good, because you’ve helped me get used to it all. You helped me prepare by telling me what was coming. I thank you for this: my education. Keep it up - there’s so much more to come.