Q: What situations have you experienced where parents have made requests that have been difficult for the nursery to comply with?
'One of our children's parents insist that he sleeps for one and a half hours in the afternoon, but we feel that he no longer needs this. Sometimes we sit with him for 45 minutes trying to get him to sleep, and then one and a half hours later he has missed most of the afternoon's activities. It has been quite a tricky issue. His parents say that if he doesn't sleep at nursery, he falls asleep in the car on the way home and then doesn't fall asleep in the evening.'
'Sleep is a classic issue. Normally at a particular age, usually around 18 months, a parent might say, please keep the child awake because he or she will not sleep at night if they sleep during the day.'
'One incident that really sticks in my mind is when one little girl's parents said that they would not allow her to use any ICT equipment. The parents did not have a television at home. This little girl had just turned three and it was very difficult; we did let her use calculators and some smaller electrical items. We just did not know a way around it. It meant that she was isolated from the rest of the children when they were using ICT. She just had to stand there and watch.'
'One of our parents does not want their child to be in any photographs that are not for their own portfolios at home. That means the child is not allowed to be in any group shots. The local newspaper came in recently to take some photos after we had a fundraising event and the little girl had to stand on the sidelines. She can't be in any photos that go up on the walls. She is too young at the moment for this to be an issue, but when she gets older I think it will become very difficult.'
Q: How do you try to address situations where parents are making misguided or unreasonable requests?
'We support parents 99 per cent of the time. With the parents who insist that their child sleeps for one and a half hours, we make sure there is a little area that he can take himself off to if he does want to sleep. His parents seem quite satisfied with this, as we are still giving him the option to sleep if he wants to. However, I do feel this could become an issue if he often stays awake all afternoon and then becomes irritable when he has returned home.
'We have outlined to the parents that the child was missing out on a lot of the activities in the afternoon and that he wants to keep going and play with his friends.'
'We will never just refuse to comply with these requests, but practitioners and the nursery management team are expected to have a conversation about it with parents to try to understand their reasoning. For a sleep issue, practitioners might say, ok, we will try to keep the child awake, but then if the child starts to get irritable or upset, practitioners will go back to parents and have another conversation with them about it.
'Practitioners may try to talk to parents about other possible reasons that their child may not be sleeping very well at night. For example, they will ask them if they have anything to eat before they go to bed or what time they usually go to sleep. We try to explain that it's not constructive to stop them from sleeping during the day. We want the little ones to be well looked after and to enjoy their time at nursery.'
'We do try to get to the bottom of why the child might not be sleeping, so, for example, we would ask questions about the child's bedtime routine. We find that some parents are approachable, while others are more stand-offish.'
'Some parents say that they don't want their child to eat certain things, like garlic, for example. However, we tell parents at the induction stage that we only apply food requirements if there is a medical problem that has been discussed with a health practitioner. We then refer back to our policies and procedures if the issue comes up. You have to manage these issues very sensitively so they know you are not just rejecting their requests unnecessarily.'
'Some of the parents only want their children to eat organic food, so our policy is that the parents must bring that food into nursery. We do what we can to accommodate parents, but it really can be a nightmare trying to comply with all of the different requests.'
'Sometimes parents say, it is very cold outside, we don't want the child to go outside in the garden today. Obviously, we don't tell them not to be ridiculous. Instead, we try to persuade parents that the child needs to go outside and that we will wrap him or her up very warmly.'
'If a parent says they don't want their child going outside because they have a bit of a sniffle, then we just ask them to make sure that their child has proper clothing and assure the parents that they will be properly togged up with everything they need. Parents tend to be happy as long as we can show them exactly what the child will be wearing.'
Q: Are there are situations where it can be difficult to comply with parents' requests and adhere to Ofsted requirements?
'I don't know what Ofsted would have said about the child who was not allowed to use ICT. The problem was that the parents were completely adamant about it.'
'It can be difficult to keep both the parents and Ofsted happy. Ofsted says that you shouldn't stop a child from sleeping, but parents don't understand this - they say it is my child and Ofsted does not have to get up in the night with them!'
'Ofsted has the belief that we need to do what's right for the child, as much as possible, if it's not going to cause a conflict. We try to pre-empt any potential problems by having basic, clear policies. If a request is made that is detrimental to a child's needs, we immediately have a conversation about it with parents. When we have our initial induction with parents, we go through all of our practices and procedures and set their expectations early on.'
AN EXPERT'S VIEW - Stephanie Mathivet, curriculum and standards manager at the Pre-school Learning Alliance (pictured)
The Early Years Foundation Stage emphasises the importance of working in partnership with parents, respecting their wishes and sharing information in ways that support the development and well-being of the child.
Each setting should have a policy and procedure for how they set about working in partnership according to the ethos of their setting. The Welfare Requirements of the EYFS state that policies and procedures should be made known to parents and, when settling a child in, practitioners need to have discussions with the parents to ensure each child is being cared for appropriately for each family.
How can settings work with these parameters and guidance to ensure that working in partnership with parents means that the child's needs are at the fore? The setting's policy on partnership with parents should include a statement that refers to parents' wishes being taken into consideration where these are not in conflict with other policies of the settings, especially where these relate to requirements of the EYFS - for example, for settling-in or with regards to physical or other forms of punishment of children. It should also state that where an agreed arrangement does not seem to be working well while the child is in the setting, there will be discussions to review the arrangement and that the setting's decision will be made on what is in the best interest of the child, while in their care.
Discussing this policy with parents, and having a clear procedure for how any differences will be managed and recorded, will help set the relationship off on a clear footing. A partnership is a two-way relationship in which it is appropriate to have expectations and boundaries on both sides. The setting's policies, in line with the EYFS, provide both a legal and a good practice framework in which this can take place.
Having this set down enables the setting to have a clear basis for not agreeing to a request from a parent that the setting sees as inappropriate, because it is not their policy to work in such a way or it contravenes a requirement of the EYFS. The setting should always give a reason for this that supports their policy that is rooted in child development. This shows that it is not about creating a 'rule' for its own sake. If something has been agreed that is not working out, and there is clear evidence to convince the parent - for example, a child being tired because of not being allowed to sleep - then the setting has a clear basis for no longer agreeing to carry out the request.
Be clear, be fair and be child-focused.
