Positive relationships: Let's talk about... touch

Q: Touch is a sensitive issue today, and many early years practitioners are afraid of being accused of abuse. What experiences have you had?

A: 'A few years ago I was wary because there was so much talk about abuse and I was worried that I could get accused, because I work alone and am vulnerable. Then I thought, this is really stupid. Now I don't think anything of hugging and touching the children I care for.'

'I've even had minded children come into bed with me when they've stayed over. I never even think about it either.'

'But childminders were told, perhaps two years ago, that it was unprofessional to cuddle or kiss children because they are not yours. It's so hard to juggle being professional with a caring job like ours.'

'There aren't many parents who would be happy to put a child in your care knowing that you wouldn't be allowed to pick her up, cuddle, or show affection. They'd think you're a cold person.'

'But it's so important in childminding that parents trust me; otherwise it won't work. I couldn't stand the suspicion if a parent didn't want me hugging their child.'

'I know staff at school nurseries are not encouraged to cuddle. I think they're worried that it shows you're favouring one child. They say it is best to stay neutral and not cuddle any, but that's so difficult.'

'I worked in a baby room where they didn't want us cuddling crying children. They said they'd get used to the attention and cry more, and we didn't have enough staff to tend to them. We had to entertain and distract them instead and sit them in the bouncy chair.

'I didn't like it at all. The manager kept an eye on me because I'd occasionally pick them up. But they were crying because they wanted attention and needed the touch.'

Q: Is it harder for men to care for young children?

A: 'My husband is occasionally my assistant and we've never had concerns. But I worked in a nursery where a male staff member was accused by a parent of inappropriately touching a child. The police were involved and he was eventually cleared.

'It was strange - the child wasn't even in his class, and we wondered whether something was going on at the child's home. We were more careful around that child after that.

'It annoyed me that it was just because he was a man that they presumed he'd done something. For ages afterwards he wouldn't take children to the toilet, because it shattered his confidence.'

'One parent asked recently, "What about your son who's at home?" She was wary about him, but I assured her he's police-checked and would hardly be around her child anyway.'

Q: How do you feel when you're caring for a child's physical needs?

A: 'I don't blow on and kiss babies' tummies when I change them as I used to - but mainly because I can't bend! Although, now you think more before doing things like that.'

'At our playgroup you see reception class staff with a child who needs changing, and they don't help. They get the things down for the child and fill a book in saying "self-change". I think it's routine policy.

'I know the child has to learn to change themselves, but standing for 20 minutes while a four-year-old is fiddling around and you've got 25 other children needing attention is madness. As a childminder, I view things differently. I'd help change them and encourage them to join in.'

Q: Why is touch so important?

A: 'It'd be a lonely world without touch. The idea of a six-month-old crying and having no physical contact is so sad. It's a human need. Cuddles and contact is the right thing'

'If an 18-month-old bundles up for a cuddle, how could you refuse him? How could you put up that barrier? What would you do to them emotionally if it came to not touching?'

'Yes, somewhere along the line it must have an effect if you don't hold a baby. They need opportunities to bond. How would you build their confidence if you kept them at arm's length?'

'Some children don't get touch at home, so if they are not getting it with their carer then they're not getting it anywhere. How are they then expected to develop and make positive relationships?'

Q: But is it possible to have too much physical contact?

A: 'It's important to remember that children are individuals. Some children need you to hold them for six months, others just want holding occasionally - you have got to go with the child.

'We all need different things - on Monday you may need plenty of hugs but on Tuesday you're robust enough to look after yourself.'

'Children should be allowed independence, to explore by themselves instead of you keep hugging them. Responding and touching when needed and being kind makes children well-rounded people.'

If you would like to have your say, visit our discussion forums at www.nursery.world.co.uk.

AN EXPERT'S VIEW - By Heather Piper, senior research fellow, Manchester Metropolitan University.

Touch, and the complex issues surrounding it, has been of great interest to me for some time. The research project I was centrally involved in has recently been completed, called 'Touchlines: The Problematics of Touching between Children and Professionals' (ESRC: RES000220815).

It is interesting that most of the childminders' comments reported here indicate a more positive and relaxed attitude to touching than was the case for the majority of those in the research sample.

The no-touch panic particularly affects practitioners working with very young children, and the situation is clearly much worse for men. I have heard similar accounts of childminders being quizzed about their teenage sons, and men not 'doing toileting' in a nursery, or male nursery managers being instructed to leave all touching to junior (female) members of staff.

These types of practices have become worse in recent years and the introduction of guidelines, touch policies, and the anti-touching advice given by some Ofsted inspectors - even though there is no legislation that prohibits the touching of children - merely exacerbates the problem.

I would advise any setting that does have a touch policy to give great consideration to whether it helps staff to do their jobs and does actually protect the children. Are the best needs of a child being met if they are not receiving positive touch, such as comforting cuddles or reassuring strokes?

I believe that any organisation contemplating drawing up guidelines would be better advised against such a course of action. It could be as damaging for a child to be touched too little as too much. While there is always a danger that nursery workers and others will be falsely accused of abuse (with or without no-touching practices), a confident, professional, trusting team is probably the best form of protection for children and adults alike.

The research demonstrated quite clearly that touching per se is very often a lot of fuss about nothing, but context and motives are what matter.

FURTHER READING

- Don't Touch! The educational story of a panic by Heather Piper and Ian Stronach (Routledge, published March 2008)

- A touchy subject by Heather Piper and Hannah Smith (Nursery World, 12 May 2005)

- Touch in Educational and Child Care Settings: Dilemmas and Responses by Heather Piper, Hannah Smith(2003) British Educational Research Journal 29 (6) 879-894

- 'Out of touch' by Annette Rawstrone (Nursery World, 15 July 2004).