Q At a recent 'welcome afternoon' for pupils about to start at our primary school, I was concerned about a four-year-old (June birthday) who clung to her mother all afternoon. She has attended playgroup but her mother stays there with her.
Have you any management advice for me as this child's key worker?
A'Big school' may conjure up all kinds of images in a child's mind.
Children worry about the strangest things. One terrified four-year-old turned into an eager and excited prospective pupil once he was told exactly where the lavatories were at school and what he had to do if he needed 'a wee' in class time.
Try to meet the mother again before the current term ends to agree a plan for the first few weeks. Talk through with her exactly what will happen on the first day so she can prepare her daughter and help her to link this new experience with familiar experiences. Highlight ways in which primary school will resemble what she is used to at playgroup.
When a child goes to school parents are returning to school. How they feel about a child starting school will be coloured by their own school experiences. Encourage the mother to recount stories about how she started school, what she enjoyed, what worried her and what helped her to cope.
Both mother and child may need to be reassured that beginning something new is exciting and worrying.
It is important that your pupil feels as much in control as possible on her 'first day'. Remember, she has not chosen to go to school! Perhaps she could be allowed to choose what she has for breakfast, what goes in her lunch box and what she would like for her tea, etc. Suggest friends and relatives rally round by sending her little cards to say they are thinking of her on this special day.
Bear in mind clinginess can be a child's solution to the exciting and frightening wish to really enjoy themselves away from their parents. They can be worried their parents may also forget them - a terrifying thought.
At school, you can remind her that her mother will be returning at the end of the day and list for her what her mother might be doing for her while she is at school. Such conversations help to bridge the gap between school and home in a child's mind.
Finally, this is a big day for a mother, too. She may also be feeling anxious about what the change will mean for her. You could suggest that she plans a treat for herself.
Contacts
Andrea Clifford-Poston is the author of The Secrets of Successful Parenting - Understand What Your Child's Behaviour is Telling You (How-to-Books, Pounds 9.99) If you have a child behaviour question, write to Andrea Clifford-Poston at the address on page 3.
