Case study: Mary

Mary started nursery when she was two years and one month old. Her mother had recently had twins, so both she and the father were busy with the care of these new family members. At first, Mary was a bit shy of the children in the nursery, but settled quite quickly and began to play alongside other children. However, it was not long before Mary showed signs of being very possessive, and whenever another child had a toy she would try to pull it away, often biting the child to instant effect.

Mary's mother told the nursery staff that this was not new; in fact, Mary had been biting since early on in her pregnancy with the twins. She had tried all sorts of things to stop it, but to no avail. She was very worried that Mary was becoming attention-seeking and so had tried to ignore it, but ignoring it only seemed to make it worse.

Together, the nursery staff and Mary's parents talked about trying to help Mary feel that she was still important, even though everyone was very busy either at home with the twins or at nursery with the other children. They would talk to her about feeling left out, wanting someone all to herself, and finding special time so that she did feel included. Everyone tried to make things a bit easier -her mother tried to share her time out a bit more, Dad made sure he had special times with Mary, and the nursery staff ensured she was not forgotten. As Mary got used to her new brothers, the biting abated and she found it easier to share.