Positive Relationships: Behaviour - Hard times?

This series of articles has looked at how the everyday behaviours that sometimes give two-year-olds a negative reputation are a manifestation of fundamentally important aspects of their development. Most of these everyday behaviours are managed positively in settings that are structured with the particular needs of two-year-olds in mind and where practitioners have a good knowledge and understanding of the play, development and learning of this age group.

But sometimes practitioners struggle with some behaviours that two-year-olds exhibit. So as well as looking at strategies for approaching everyday behaviours positively, this final article in the series also considers the kinds of support practitioners need to develop strategies for responding positively to behaviour that is 'difficult'.

EVERYDAY BEHAVIOURS

Understanding what is usual for two-year-olds and each individual child's responses and contexts enables practitioners to use everyday strategies such as positive adult involvement in play, supporting peer communications, pre-empting potential difficulties and using distraction to avoid unnecessary conflict.

But if there are frequent displays of unco-operativeness, upset or conflict in a group, the first response of a team of practitioners should be to ask themselves whether the children's behaviour is indicating that there is an aspect of their practice or provision that needs reviewing.

Is each element of provision organised in a way that caters for dependency but fosters independence, builds self-esteem, encourages co-operation and minimises frustration? Key elements to review are the size of the group, the routine and transitions and the consistency of the key person's availability to the children.

EVERYDAY INCIDENTS

Where there are incidents (as there always will be) you should consider the following:

Are your expectations of behaviour developmentally appropriate for a particular child? What is this child's social context? Can they understand the language you are using?

Are your communications clear? For example, rather than saying 'Play nicely', it is better to say 'Throwing the sand can hurt people's eyes; when you are playing near the other children it's better to pour it through the tube together.'

Are your directions or explanations too obscure, long or confusing? Remember that young children may hear only key words in sentences that are above their comprehension and therefore may misunderstand the meaning of what is being said. So keep it brief and to the point - 'Please take just one cracker for now.'

Also, it's never nice to feel nagged into doing something, so when giving instructions don't keep repeating too many times - wait for the child to process what you have said and give them a chance to comply before you check that they have heard and understood or ask again.

As adults, if we feel criticised, misunderstood, blamed or otherwise under attack, we are unlikely to be able to take responsibility for something we have done wrong or to make amends. So it is with children too, so practitioners need to consider their tone of voice and body language when addressing anti-social behaviour.

• Always speak calmly; you can still be firm without raising your voice.
• Make sure you are close enough and at the child's level and use gentle touch to show concern when appropriate.
• Make eye contact if possible, but if you can't then make sure the child can hear you.
• It is useful to acknowledge the feelings of the child ('I can see you're angry that you can't have all the cars to yourself').
• Repeat what needs to happen in a positive way. For example, 'It's important that you sit down when using the scissors.'
• Aim to be firm and clear, but avoid a power struggle by giving the child some choice within the boundary you have set - for example, 'I can wait one minute for you to finish on the bike and then you need to come for lunch.'
• Sanctions should be used only if absolutely necessary and then must be immediate and understandable. Time out/corners/chairs/steps, threats and bribery are not appropriate.

'DIFFICULT' BEHAVIOUR

When discussing 'difficult' behaviour it is necessary to first be clear what we mean. Is the behaviour seen as 'difficult' because the practitioner finds it so, even though it might be a common behaviour for a child of this age? Is it 'difficult' because it is anti-social, showing a lack of care for others or the environment? Or is it 'difficult' because it is disturbing and raises concerns about the child's well-being?

Practitioners' responses

It requires special skills not to over-react when one toddler bashes or bites another, so practitioners need support with understanding when managing two-year-olds' behaviour.

In difficult situations, such as when a child is very distraught, it will help practitioners to respond calmly if they reduce their own feelings of stress by focusing their breathing deeper in the diaphragm and relaxing their jaw and shoulders.

Sometimes, though, if something is very hard to manage the best thing to do is to step back and seek help. But some practitioners may see this as failing in some way, when, in fact, this kind of self-awareness should be seen as a professional strength.

When the culture of the setting is one in which this kind of professionalism is recognised, practitioners will have opportunities to discuss these aspects of their work. An important part of this is reflecting on why some behaviours upset them more than others and understanding where this arises from in their own early life experience, which will help them to respond in a measured way rather than reacting inappropriately. This then also helps to avoid potentially dangerous situations for children and to reduce staff burnout.

Causing concern

Access to reflective supervision is fundamentally important in ensuring that children's behaviours that cause practitioners concern are addressed appropriately. Children who are very withdrawn, who find it hard to engage in play, whose appearance is dirty and neglected or who appear hungry, will not then be overlooked. Children whose behaviour is dangerous or continuously harms others, whose behaviour has suddenly or inexplicably changed, or who display sexual knowledge that is beyond natural curiosity will then be seen and heard effectively.

All settings will have a clear protocol and procedure in relation to safeguarding children's well-being, but fundamental to this is an effective and thorough process for observations, which are then discussed with relevant colleagues in regular meetings. All of children's behaviour has meaning, so all practitioners need to keep their eyes, ears and emotions open to understand what a child is trying to communicate to them through their behaviour.

A partnership approach

Working in partnership with parents is crucial, as they are the key to practitioners achieving a better understanding of children's behaviour. All parents will be concerned for a child who either displays or experiences negative behaviours such as biting or hitting and will feel defensive and protective of their child. Where such situations occur, practitioners need to be honest but tactful.

Blaming each other or individual children is not helpful, but a review of provision and a clear strategy to support all the children involved is necessary. Adopting an attitude of 'This is a tricky situation for both of us; let's plan a way forward together' will be much more disarming than a more confrontational approach and also more productive because it will value the family's input.

However, a partnership approach can have its own difficulties, as what counts as acceptable or unacceptable behaviour and approaches is often an area of difference where views are strongly held. In these circumstances,practitioners need to balance the need for continuity and respect for family traditions with their knowledge of child development and good practice and parents need to respect a practitioner's experience and knowledge yet ensure that their child's needs are responded to appropriately.

• Meeting with parents
• Think in advance about what you want to say, perhaps talk it through with your manager; parents should never receive unprepared feedback about their child's behaviour.
• Parents may feel embarrassed and powerless when faced by a professional reporting on their child's behaviour, so always think carefully about when and where to a parent. Meet in a private space; never talk in front of other parents.
• Focus on describing what happens, explain the difficulty and ask if the parent can help you to understand why this happens.
• Take a problem-solving approach, explain how the setting would usually approach the situation, ask if the parent has any other ideas and see if you can agree on how to address the issue together.
• Arrange to review how things are going in about a week's time.
• Feedback to your colleagues in a meeting, not in front of the group.

CONCLUSION

What young children learn from well-handled discipline has a major effect on their ability to succeed in later life. Practitioners who appreciate this will prioritise the promotion of positive behaviour as a key aspect of practice - developing a policy and strategies that focus on enabling children to enjoy each other's company, on helping and learning from each other and on taking care of themselves, others and their surroundings.

MORE INFORMATION

Exploring Well-Being in the Early Years by J Manning-Morton, (ed) (2014)

Key Times: a framework for developing high-quality provision for children from birth to three years by J Manning-Morton and M Thorp (2006)

Key Times for Play: the first three years by J Manning-Morton and M Thorp (2003)

'Not Just the Tip of the Iceberg: psychoanalytic ideas and early years practice' by J Manning-Morton (2011) in Theories and Approaches to Learning in the Early Years by L Miller and L Pound (eds) (2011)

'The Personal is Professional: professionalism and the birth to threes practitioner' by J Manning-Morton (2006) in Contemporary Issues in Early Childhood, Volume 7, Number 1, 2006 pp42-52

Two-Year-Olds in Early Years Settings: journeys of discovery by J Manning-Morton and M Thorp (2015).

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