At my new nursery, I’ve noticed lots of the staff kiss the children. It makes me feel uncomfortable but parents don’t seem to mind. Is this acceptable behaviour?
Beverley Dearnley, manager, Newsome Pre-School Playgroup
‘At our setting, we think it is fine for staff to kiss children. Children need the comfort they feel from a kiss on the cheek, and a hug. We do not have a rule about whether staff should kiss children on the cheek or elsewhere – it is just what they do.
‘Staff do not instigate kisses with children. But if a child is sad and needs support, they will not hesitate to respond to their needs. They react naturally.
‘Many of the children in our setting come from disadvantaged backgrounds. They need a lot of emotional support, and we feel that if we did not respond to them with a kiss or a hug, they would feel rejected. We would not be providing appropriate care if we pushed them away, when they need to be helped to feel secure. Everyone likes to feel loved – it would not be fair to deny them that.
‘Staff should use their judgement in these situations. If you saw a member of the team doing it all the time, going around kissing everyone, you might question it. But really it is just about using common sense.’
Lottie Draycott, manager, Beeches Park Children’s Day Nursery
‘In our setting, we prioritise creating a nurturing and loving environment where every child feels valued and respected. This includes trying to empower the children to take ownership of their own bodies, be able to make choices that suit them and encouraging them to express their preferences clearly.
‘By helping children to foster confidence, they learn to communicate their boundaries and preferences, ensuring that they feel safe and respected. For this reason, we ask staff not to go around kissing children. But if a child seeks comfort, we offer them a cuddle.
‘No formal guidelines exist on this policy in early years practice – it is up to nurseries themselves to decide how to act on this subject. We do not have a formal policy regarding physical expressions of affection. Otherwise, you could write a policy on everything under the sun! Instead, we have a conversation with staff about this and they follow it naturally.
‘If a child falls over and says they have hurt their finger, you might say: “Let’s kiss it better.” And then you kiss it. We are not saying you should not do that. Kissing is acceptable in the right circumstances. And members of staff should be able to assess a child’s boundaries. Some may not want you to kiss it better – or even receive a hug. You have to judge the situation.
‘But we say, generally, offer a child a cuddle rather than a kiss. Cuddles and kisses both release so-called happy hormones. Both actions will help soothe.
‘We have both male and female practitioners in the setting, and we feel with this approach it shows all staff are equal. If any parent were to query any staff actions, we can explain that we have thought this through.’
Alexandra Samara, director, Alphablocks Nursery School
‘Since you are new to the setting, my first suggestion would be to see if the nursery has a written policy about this, or if it is just the culture. If kissing is included within expected physical boundaries, other practitioners are not going to think they are doing anything unacceptable.
‘Physical affection is a sensitive issue, and while it may be well intentioned, it can be misinterpreted. Staff must adhere to professional boundaries that protect children and staff alike. Physical contact, or showing affection, is very important for children’s development. But it needs to respect professional boundaries and personal space. I can understand that a child might initiate a kiss and a member of staff might even return that kiss back. I would recommend alternative ways to show affection, including praise, high-fives, a hug, or pats on the back, which can convey warmth and support without crossing boundaries.
‘You could conduct a review of the policy around physical contact to ensure there is clarityof expectations among the team, and that they are clear about appropriate ways to show affection to children.
‘Provide training and support to reinforce this policy and guidance on how to interact with children to make sure everyone feels comfortable and confident in these interactions. Encourage communication around these issues or further concerns to ensure allstaff understand current practices.
‘Lastly, monitor how the situation changes and perhaps try to collect some feedback from staff and parents to make sure any policies are aligned with the nursery’s standards and parental and staff expectations.’
