When we conducted an extensive informal survey on what irritates nannies the most about their employers' little ways, the same gripes were mentioned time and time again. See if you agree.
10 In at number 10 is the employer's refusal to notice that her gruesome cousin/uncle/ father-in-law is a leering pest.
Why is it that employers who claim emancipation for themselves and even, in one case, listen to complaints of sexual harassment in the workplace as part of their job, cannot or will not see when it is happening in their own home to the person who cares for their children? This most awkward of subjects was mentioned time and again, as was the employers' failure to protect nannies from this imposition.
Most nannies manage to overcome the problem by physically absenting themselves when the pest is in the house, or making it clear to their employer that humouring dumb relatives isn't in the job description, but one nanny admitted to having to change jobs.
9 The ninth most annoying trait on the part of the employer is not keeping the refrigerator well stocked.
This doesn't mean, of course, that nannies require a constant supply of snacks in order to function, but it appears to be almost common practice for employers to expect their children, miraculously, to be properly fed at regular intervals from near-empty refrigerators and larders.
Some nannies explained how they had bought food they paid for themselves and had to produce a receipt to be reimbursed later, but more reported that shopping had gradually become part of their job.
Suggested solutions to this problem range from telling the employer that you are going to involve their child in a menu-planning/cooking experiment and giving them a shopping list a week in advance, to offering to do a weekly shop in return for extra time off during the week. The 'cupboard is bare' syndrome is obviously something that irks so many nannies that it is worth discussing at interviews before starting a job.
8 The crime that earns its place at number 8 is neglect - the employer neglecting, that is, to ask how her own child is before she moans about her job. Apparently, it is commonplace for employers to use their nannies as shoulders to cry on when they stagger home from work, and this often occurs without them first enquiring about their child's welfare or about how the nanny's day has gone.
Resourceful as ever, nannies we spoke to sought various remedies, from keeping a diary for the employer to read a blow-by-blow account of their child's and carer's day, to encouraging the child to have all her homework/paintings/models ready to be viewed immediately on arrival home.
7 The seventh deadly sin, in a nanny's eyes, is that of disloyalty.
Treating the nanny differently when friends come round earned a massive thumbs-down from our frankly-spoken nannies, but the 'Upstairs Downstairs'
scenario seems to get a frequent airing when some employers have their friends visiting.
Refusing to go along with the charade by maintaining a professional, slightly aloof demeanour seems to be the key to bursting this bubble, as it is invariably the employer who ends up appearing slightly ridiculous. It might be more fun, however, to practise your bobs and curtsies, maybe asking her if you can have a black dress and starched apron to accompany the act.
6 This dreadful faux pas is one of mistaken identity - that is, when your employer mistakes you for a deceitful member of her own household who makes long, pointless phone calls whenever she's not looking, instead of a professional employee who uses the phone to contact her child's school, or herself, when she is at work.
One nanny reported that her employer sat down with her every month to go through the phone bill, only to discover that her own son had been calling the United States when she was out. Employers like this obviously need reminding that you may need to contact the optician/GP/garage as part of your working life. Perhaps you could try pinning a note next to the phone detailing every call you make, until the message sinks in.
5 Fifth in the chart is the invasion of a nanny's personal space. This takes place in a range of ways, from an employer installing guests in the nanny's room when she is away, without prior agreement, to encouraging the children to wake nanny up when she is having a lie-in on her day off or to use her room as their playground.
The key to combating this type of intrusion is to establish ground rules right from the start. If you are a live-in nanny it is up to you to maintain the balance between professional childcarer and member of the family, and it is always best to err on the side of being slightly reserved rather than having to backtrack at a later stage.
4 Another privacy issue earns fourth place on our list of loathings - employers who pry into the nanny's personal life and/or comment on how she dresses or behaves outside of working hours.
Most nannies are the soul of discretion when it comes to their employer's private life. It's only fair that this should work both ways. It will be easier to maintain a separate existence, and your dignity, if you resist the urge to confide in your employer from the start. If you are chatty by nature, you may have to learn to count to 20 and think of the repercussions before you talk about anything other than work.
3 There's nothing to compare with the gripe that takes third place - at least that's what many employers say to their nannies with regard to previous employees, grandmas, another nanny living across the road, and probably Mary Poppins as well.
One rebuff to the 'comparing' remark may be to tell your employer about the other marvellous employers you have had before her, but this game could go on forever. It is probably best just to accept that she'll be saying the same about you when you move on to work for someone else who's a bit broader-minded.
2 Runner-up in this weary list is that old chestnut, changing the rules.
There is almost nothing more annoying, it seems, than employers who agree upon a set of guidelines for all to follow, but then change bedtimes, TV watching, or snack consumption whenever it suits them.
Obviously, this type of behaviour undermines everything that you do with the children. The root of the problem often lies in the employer's guilty conscience for not spending more time with her children, or the fact that you do such a good job with them that her only way of feeling special and needed by her children is to indulge them. The best way of dealing with this one is to carry on with your usual routine whenever your employer is not around, and if she undermines your decisions in front of the children, ask her, at a later time when the children are absent, whether she would like to change the way things are always done.
1 The all-out winner (and nothing else came close) in our battle of pet hates is employers who do not stick to the agreed working hours and/or do not pay on time.
Many of the nannies we quizzed did not hesitate for a second about what annoys them the very, very most about their employer. It is the fundamental deal of abiding by working hours and of paying the salary on time - or rather, failing to do so - that causes most nannies to blow a fuse. All reasonable people accept that it simply cannot be helped if just occasionally, someone is delayed by traffic jams, transport problems and the like; and similarly, a rare late salary payment might be overlooked, if accompanied by a profuse apology. However, coming home late or forgetting to pay on the agreed day becomes a habit for some. It means you are being treated unprofessionally and taken for granted.
This is an issue best confronted quickly. Make it clear that you would like your salary paid by direct debit into your account on the same day each month and insist, politely, that you must be paid overtime if you have to stay late and want the extra paid immediately and not added on every month.
This should bring your employer hurrying home.
