This may be the season of goodwill to all, but social gatherings often take an unpleasant turn. Have you ever been the victim of a dirty tricks campaign among your group of nanny friends, or are you the 'mean girl' in your group?
An informal survey among nannies reveals nannies are not all as supportive towards each other as they could be, while many find it hard to take what's being dished out by 'friends'. The top five crimes are listed below. If you are suffering, here is how to turn the tables; if you are guilty, stop it NOW.
Crime: The closest friend in your group bitches about your professional conduct to the others behind your back.
Solution: This is the most common type of gossip among work colleagues, and the most difficult to resist. Presumably, someone else in the group has let you know what is being said in order to activate a gossip fest and extort maximum enjoyment from the situation. Making such criticisms springs from insecurity, so you should ignore it entirely and concentrate on doing things the way you believe they should be done. If you feel undermined, you should separate work and socialising so your nanny friend simply doesn't get to see you in action work-wise. If you are the one doing the undermining, perhaps you need to concentrate more on your own work practice, because eventually the gossipers will get round to you.
Crime: Whenever you're with other nannies you encourage the child in your care to show off or even bully other children.
Solution: You obviously mean to show the others what a lot you have to contend with in your working life and, probably, how good you are at dealing with it, while at the same time denting the respect between the other nannies and their charges. Well, stop it right now! Encouraging negative behaviour is damaging for the child's development and relations with other children, and is the quickest route to becoming loathed by the other nannies. If you are suffering this kind of indirect bullying, avoid the situation entirely - it is not good for the child in your care. Meet up with the nanny in question, if you must, when you are not on duty.
Crime: Your friend sucks up to your employer and child whenever she gets the opportunity.
Solution: You can either sit back and marvel at this ridiculous display, hoping your employer sees through its creepiness, or, if you feel it's undermining your position, you can do something about it. First of all, ask yourself whether your friend might be after your job and if so, why? Does she envy your relationship with your employer? Or does she always have to be liked by everyone all the time? All of these reasons are pathetic, but she is your friend. If you feel sick at her sycophancy, make sure you only meet her away from work. If, on the other hand, you are the one who is sniffing around your friend's employer, stand up straight and walk away - you've got your own employer to suck up to!
Crime: You hear about a fantastic nannies' day out with a great discount and you carefully hide this information from your friends in case the event becomes overcrowded.
Solution: Either these people are not really your friends and you should move on, or you don't know what real friendship is and are sure to get your come-uppance. This type of behaviour reeks of insecurity and, dare one say, paranoia. But if you don't think you'll have more fun taking your friends with you, it's time to call it a day and try to find some other people to hang out with. If you are the uninvited victim, the temptation will be to go along anyway and blank the said friend while you are there, but then the event will be spoilt for you by the stress caused at having to time your snub just right. You're better off making sure you become better informed about what is going on and get yourself along to the event next time round.
Crime: Your friend is always phoning your employer's home phone even though she has your mobile number.
Solution: This is a common nanny crime and is most unprofessional. It's usually done as a money-saving device rather than with malicious intent, but it is thoughtless and likely to irritate an employer. If this is happening to you, you have to be very blunt with your friend and say you absolutely don't want her to phone you on that number any more. Ask her if she'd rather you phoned her instead, if she can't remember your mobile number. Brief your employer to say that you're not in if she persists. If you are the one making these nuisance calls, you need to put showing sensitivity to others' feelings ahead of saving money - as well as hone your texting skills.
