Understanding the reasons why children masturbate
is important if you are going to respond sensitively and appropriately to the issue, says Juliet Brown
Most adults feel uncomfortable at the sight of children masturbating. Since we don't want to make children ashamed of their genitals or guilty about their pleasure in them, when we see a child masturbating, what should we do?
To decide how best to respond, it helps to know something about the normal development of this behaviour. Masturbation is almost universal among young children; it begins with exploration of the genitals and becomes a means of comfort and pleasure-seeking. Many parents are never aware of their children's masturbation because it takes place privately or by methods which disguise its function. Others quickly forget what they have seen.
Boys have erections from earliest infancy. They help to draw a boy's attention to his penis, which is also of great interest to him because of its capacity to urinate. Baby boys may handle their genitals whenever they are undressed. This is a natural way of exploring sensation and there is no reason to prevent it.
Sometimes it's worrying to see how they may pull and twist their genitals, but this isn't painful because the genitals are more flexible and less sensitive at this age.
Baby girls in their first year may like to explore their vulva at nappy changes, but because their genitals are less easy to find than boys', it is more likely to happen in their second year. Like boys, they may show signs of pleasure when their genitals are creamed.
These explorations teach children that their genitals are a source of pleasure, just as their mouths are. This means that at times of loneliness or stress, children may seek comfort from their genitals, just as they do from thumb-sucking. It is most common for children to handle their genitals when left alone to sleep. Although masturbation is often a gentle activity, it can also be vigorous and excited. Small children, some as young as six months, may work themselves up and become hot and flushed.
Is this normal?
One of the reasons that adults often feel uncomfortable about children's masturbation is the worry that it is a sign of abnormality.
There is an element of anxiety in all masturbation and if the degree of anxiety greatly surpasses the reassurance and the pleasure gained, the child may be driven to masturbate in a tense, persistent, unhappy way.
Because such masturbation is often outside a child's control it tends to be done openly and may not respond to your attempts to distract him. There are many children who will have a short phase of this type of masturbation, just as they may have short spells of severe temper tantrums, nightmares or food refusal.
Talking with parents may help them become aware of recent reasons for their child to feel particularly insecure at this time and to consider what they might do to help ease the situation.
Sexual abuse
Unfortunately, masturbation can be a particular cause of worry for people working with young children because it is known that, in a tiny proportion of cases, it is a sign that children are trying to cope with the effects of having been sexually abused.
There is no obvious way to distinguish masturbation associated with sexual abuse from masturbation used to master more ordinary anxieties. However, occasionally an abused child will indicate in some way that he or she expects the adult to participate in sexual activity.
Staff need to take the whole of a child's development into account when considering how seriously to regard a symptom of persisting masturbation.
Sexually abused children usually show other signs of difficulty besides their masturbation. All nurseries should have child protection guidelines, and social workers can be consulted about what to do if a member of staff is worried that sexual abuse may be the cause of the child's behaviour.
Childhood masturbation is normally given up by the age of five or six years old. The development of new skills and of special friendships have an enormous impact on a child's inner security and, as their sense of self increases, their need for physical reassurance from their own bodies gradually diminishes.
Case studies
Patricia was two years and six months when she started at nursery and was observed to masturbate from her very first day.
She put her hands inside her pants and rubbed and pulled at her genital area in a rather rough way. The staff were aware that this behaviour started whenever she was not receiving attention. They also noticed that Patricia was very interested in watching toddlers have their nappies changed and that she clutched her genitals while watching them. When Patricia's mother was told about her daughter's behaviour she was embarrassed to tell staff that Patricia had recently been shocked at seeing her father's genitals for the first time and that she had never seen a boy's penis before starting nursery. She realised that it was time to tell Patricia how boys and girls are meant to be different, and how men and women are different. Perhaps this explanation helped, for children need to know that the sexual differences between boys and girls and between parents and children are normal. It may also have helped that Patricia formed an attachment to nursery nurse Thelma, which gave her some security at nursery. Once she realised Thelma would be there to support her when she needed her, she could manage increasingly long periods without staff attention and not need to masturbate.
ANDREW was not observed to masturbate in the nursery until he was four years old and his baby brother was born. He became withdrawn and dreamy and would stand around with his hand inside his trousers, clutching his penis, until he was given attention. Staff were understanding of his situation and did not comment on the manner of his comfort-seeking, but tried to give him plenty of interesting things to do. Distraction and diversion are often effective.
It used to be thought that boys masturbated more than girls.
This was probably because boys' masturbation is normally done with the hand and so is easy to see, while girls employ a variety of different methods.
SYLVIA began masturbating at nine months old by crossing her legs and rubbing her thighs together. As a toddler she developed another means of masturbating by sitting on her heel so her parents wouldn't see and try to stop her. Nursery staff only learned of this behaviour when Sylvia's mother asked if it was happening in the nursery.
ANNABEL, aged two years, liked to masturbate sitting astride the rocking horse until she went red in the face. Alternatively, she sat with her hands between her legs, pressing her thighs together. Her mother discussed this behaviour with a psychologist who suggested that Annabel's life might be too pressured.
Her mother was always in a hurry and had very high standards for mealtimes and manners. Her mother made an effort to demand less of Annabel and the masturbation gradually stopped. It seemed that Annabel no longer needed it to relieve the tension she was feeling.
