Some weeks ago I was approached by a security company who wanted me to send out leaflets to my clients advertising their wonderful new nanny surveillance equipment. The owner offered to pay me a very generous commission should a client buy one of his systems. Apart from the fact that people would be suspicious of my checking procedures if they felt it necessary to install surveillance, the idea of anyone being spied on by hidden cameras horrifies me, so I refused his offer.
He then launched into his sales patter, describing all the things that could happen when a nanny was alone with the children in the house. According to him, a nanny could 'have sex with her boyfriend, try on all her employer's clothes, leave the children watching television while she fell asleep - she could even be injecting drugs'.
When I told my accountant about this she commented that actually, a nanny probably has far more freedom than other employees of her age, so I decided to ask nannies and employers about this issue of freedom and trust. I received a mixed bunch of replies.
what the employers SAID 'I have a demanding job which involves travelling around the country. I employ a qualified, experienced nanny and expect her to cope with whatever happens during the day. She organises everything for the baby and toddler and liaises with the school for my five-year-old, so whether a child is ill or the washing machine breaks down, she takes whatever action is necessary. When I give her such a lot of responsibility it would seem contradictory to start questioning how often she goes to nanny group sessions or lets the children paint. As long as my children are happy, I give her a free hand to organise their time as she feels best.' (Sarah, fund manager) 'I gave my first nanny quite a hard time. I was very keen that my baby daughter should have lots of stimulation, so I was always asking her to do more activities, such as reading or painting. But I was nervous that she might pick up infections, so I didn't like her to be taken out. It was only when I gave up work after the birth of my son that I realised that it is much more fun for the children and their carer to go to toddler groups and get involved in activities. Being in a house all day with children under five and no adult company can be incredibly dull. When I went back to work I was a lot more realistic about what I expected a nanny to do.'
(Lucy, accountant) 'My nanny has had far more experience of caring for children than I have, but as a mother I know what is best for my own child, and as an employer I pay her to do what I require. I certainly don't want her sitting around discussing her love life with her friends while the children just play around them. If that's what she wants then she shouldn't be working for me.'
(Victoria, marketing executive) 'I got my nanny through a reputable agency and followed up her references, but I still feel I need to keep an eye on her. I often phone during the day just to check what she's doing. You hear such awful stories. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to my children.' (Elizabeth, psychologist) 'My first nanny was a delightful girl and the children adored her. Then one day I was ill at work and came home and found her boyfriend playing with my children. He was a pleasant young man and, as I later realised, was absolutely no danger to them, but I did feel shocked that someone I didn't know could be in my house without my permission. I suddenly began to wonder how far I could trust her and started to question everything she did. The relationship broke down when I said her boyfriend was not to come to the house again. Now I always lay down the rule that I want to know who comes to my house. I don't check up on my current nanny, but if I ever found out she had betrayed my trust, I would not want her to work for me.'
(Katherine, research scientist) WHAT THE NANNIES SAID
'At an interview I always ask what the family wants in terms of activities. I expect to offer one-to-one care some of the time, but children need to mix to learn their social skills and prepare for school. I always let parents know what I do and where I go. With my job record I would feel rather insulted if an employer kept checking up on me.' (Laura, NNEB with ten years experience) 'In my last job I moved from the north to the south of the city. I carried on driving the little boy to my old nanny group and activities. Then one day my employer freaked out at me, saying she didn't want her son to spend half his day in a car so I could keep up with my social life. Now I always look for jobs in the same area of the city. Being a nanny can be a very lonely job. The children love meeting their friends, and so do I.' (Tracy, BTec with three years experience) 'When I started my first live-in job my employers did not want people and certainly not boyfriends to come to the house without permission. This seemed very harsh to me, as I had come from a country town and on a Saturday night I often had people sleep over if we had been clubbing and could not get home. They were absolutely fine about nannies and children coming around during the day as long as I told them in advance who they were, but I did envy my friend Carol who was able to invite people back in the evenings. Then a group of us went back for a coffee to her employer's house. Two days later the house was burgled and she was questioned about her friends. It seemed there were two girls there who everybody thought somebody else knew, but actually they had just tagged along. Carol is a totally honest person and that incident spoiled the job for her. I got on well with my employers and when, after three years, I got engaged to Neil, they were happy to let him stay over once a week when he was in London. When my employer was writing a job description for my successor I asked her if she would still have the 'no guests' rule, and she said, 'Definitely - until I know that I will like and trust her friends.'
(Mandy, NNEB with four years experience) Just as the breaking down of trust causes problems, so can lack of communication. When Jo Weston came to the agency she had had three very successful nanny jobs and then started a BEd at university. For her Christmas vacation I placed her with a family where the children were six, eight and ten. I was shocked to get an angry phone call from her employer three days after she started. She said, 'That girl you sent me is a disgrace. I do not provide an estate car for her to chauffeur her dog around and I do not expect her to be exercising him in the time she should be doing activities with my children.'
I phoned Jo immediately. Yes, she had collected her dog and spent the afternoon with it and the children. She said, 'Those children are driven everywhere and all they seem to want to do at home is play computer games or watch videos. I insisted we went out for a walk and they just dragged themselves along and argued most of the way. But when I brought the dog they seemed to forget they were doing a lot of walking and they took turns playing with him and giving him commands. They got lots of exercise and fresh air and they were happier and keener when we got home.' I don't know if it was my explanation to the mother, or the fact that the children begged her to let the dog come back, but Jo returned to that family every holiday until she qualified as a teacher. However, the problem could have been avoided if she had told her employer what she intended to achieve by bringing the dog in the first place.
STRIKING A BALANCE
The right balance has been achieved by Sarah Tomkys and her nanny Rachel Newson. Sarah, a BBC journalist, says, 'Rachel is my third nanny, so we did discuss things I wanted her to do with my Claudia. I like Claudia to be active and mix with other children. Rachel is a qualified, experienced nanny. I trust her totally and I judge the quality of the care she gives my daughter by seeing how confident and happy Claudia is and how pleased she always is to see Rachel.'
Rachel says, 'Claudia is a bright, sociable little girl. Besides arts and crafts and home-based activities, we go to storytime at the library, or the local park, or swimming with friends, or the village mother-toddler group. While children need regular times for food and sleep, I don't stick to a rigid schedule for activities. What we do can depend on the weather, or what just seems right for that day. Anything different, like a trip to the seaside, I always run past her first, but I can't imagine she'd say no. Sarah knows Claudia always comes first in whatever we do.'
Helen Kewley is the proprietor of Nice Nannies Now in Huntingdon
