Coronavirus Pandemic - 6 things you need to know about… Parent Anxieties

One of the consistent messages during the past few months has been that children and young people are least affected by the Covid-19 virus. Fatalities have been extremely low. David Spiegelhalter from the University of Cambridge points out that, ‘Healthy children and young adults have been exposed to an extremely small risk during the peak of the epidemic, which would normally be deemed an acceptable part of life.’ In other words, under normal circumstances, the Covid-19 pandemic, even at its height, would have gone unnoticed as a concern for this age group.

This has not prevented parents and carers from experiencing anxiety about their children returning to nursery and school. There are several facets to this anxiety – some induced by children going back, and others by them not.

1 The nursery environment

Parents and carers are worried about the strangeness of the setting to which their children will be returning. There will not be the usual range of toys and activities – many nurseries will not have sand, soft toys and furnishings. The children will have far less scope in their social ‘bubble’ and will not necessarily be with their most familiar or chosen peers and adults. It may feel alien and cause them distress and unhappiness.

The well-circulated photograph of nursery children socially distancing in their chalk squares and circles in France was a shocking image that may have helped to fuel such fears.

2 The transition

Parents worry about how children will cope with the transition back to nursery, having been with a limited number of people for such a long time. Some will not have been out much (if at all), not played with other children, and maybe experienced a lot of second-hand anxiety and sadness at home.

Safety measures mean they are unlikely to be able to have their transitional cuddly toys with them or, indeed, a parent staying with them for very long. Transitions can be difficult at the best of times for some, and in these circumstances they may only be exacerbated.

For some parents of children with SEND, these anxieties are further heightened. Though they want their child to get the professional and social support they need, the new conditions at nursery could prove to be too challenging. Children with SEND often find transitions considerably difficult anyway, requiring a lot of parental support. They are also more likely to struggle significantly with changes of routine, such as not being in their normal room with the usual children and adults.

An additional aspect of transition that parents are also concerned about – whether their children are back in nursery or not – is the move to Reception in September. The lockdown period and the summer term are when a lot of preparations are usually done for this.

3 Using children as guinea pigs

Some parents feel guilty about sending their children back to nursery and school. The BBC news feature, ‘Coronavirus: Parents shamed for back-to-school choices’ (29 May), reported on parents who had been branded selfish on the grounds that they were using their children as guinea pigs.

Sophia, who works full time, received a tirade of aggression from her Facebook group for single mothers when she commented that her four-year-old daughter would be returning to nursery. ‘It feels as if the worst assumptions are being made about someone’s reasons for sending their child back to school or nursery,’ she said. Sophia’s daughter has special educational needs and for weeks has not had access to her usual speech therapy. Sophia based the decision on her daughter’s best interests – ‘She learns a lot by being with other children.’

Prior to this, when schools reopened in Denmark, raging concerns from parents were ignited, resulting in a number of Facebook groups being established, including one called ‘My child will not be a Guinea Pig for Covid-19’.

Mumsnet founder and CEO Justine Roberts says, ‘It seems likely that people’s responses are driven by understandable fear and uncertainty, but if you’re a parent run ragged by nine weeks of home schooling while attempting to hold down a job, other people’s judgement is likely to be the last thing you need.’

4 Vulnerable family members at home

Despite the very low risk of children becoming seriously ill from the virus, it remains a concern that they will be asymptomatic carriers and infect vulnerable family members at home, as well as potentially contribute to a second wave of the virus. There are also the risks associated with adults coming together and dropping children off instead of staying at home. Ultimately, the reality is that this is a new virus and there are still very many unknowns.

Ali and Chris would love their three-year-old son, Joshua, to return to nursery. They have decided to keep him at home, mainly because of Ali’s respiratory problem, which puts her in a higher risk category, but also due to their concerns that the return to schools may cause a second wave. A second wave would not only prolong their fears about Ali but would also have tough financial implications due to their work relying on getting back to normal, or ‘nearer to normal’.

However, Joshua not being at school also raises concerns for Ali and Chris. ‘We are concerned that he is missing out socially – children learn so much from being with their peers. Also, he isn’t getting any input from any educational professionals – we do our best with him and have made our garden a focus. He is able to play with his cousin at a social distance, and this has been a lifeline.’

5 The child’s well-being

Another common parental concern stems from the lack of stimulation and social context beyond the immediate household during lockdown, causing the child to regress emotionally, behaviourally and developmentally.

Speaking about her two-year-old daughter, Penny, Thais Portilho told The Independent(25 May), ‘We have become increasingly worried about her emotional well-being and social development and desperate for her to return to some normality.’

Thais described how a few weeks into lockdown, Penny became clingier and was going around the house crying ‘Waah, waah, I’m a baby’. Her mother said, ‘As an only child, she understandably needs constant attention, and had no-one else but us to play with.’

Thais admitted that if someone asked her in March whether Penny would return to nursery in June, she would have replied, ‘Are you out of your mind?’

6 The difficulty of working from home

Many parents who have not been furloughed and are working from home, as well as home-schooling and caring for their children, are finding it increasingly difficult as time goes on. On Mumsnet (15 May), ‘IronyFreeAnnie’ wrote, ‘DS [dearest son] will be going back from the week our nursery reopens. I’d rather keep him at home with me, but I’m finding working from home while keeping him safe and happy is getting increasingly difficult, and DH [dearest husband] is working longer hours than usual as a self-employed key worker, I don’t feel like I have any other options (I can’t be furloughed from work).

‘I’m concerned about how it’s going to work, but was slightly reassured by the email they sent saying children will still be cuddled during the day as I’d hate him to be unhappy there, especially as he’d only just settled in properly when nursery closed. They also sent a copy of their plans for dealing with anyone (child or staff) who becomes unwell for any reason so I think it is as safe as they can make it. But, all the same, I’d rather he was at home.’

REASSURANCE IS KEY

It goes without saying that Covid-19 has led to the disruption of anything we know as normal life. This lack of usual routines and ways of managing everyday life is known to exacerbate anxieties that are already present in families.

A number of children will also have been exposed to further distress and anxiety during the pandemic period if their home lives have been touched by illness or other emotional, psychological or financial strains. Children are bound to pick up on the anxiety of the world at large, in addition to any specific anxieties and disruptions in their immediate environment.

Reassurance is key if parents are going to feel comfortable enough about sending their child back to nursery. Parents and carers need to know as explicitly as possible what the day-to-day experience of their child will be (and will not be), so that they can talk it through with them and help them to prepare. The ‘new normal’ will have to be adjusted to at some point.

Covid-19 is not going to magically disappear overnight, nor is a vaccine going to suddenly appear. We have to start somewhere and somehow.

MORE INFORMATION

• The Anna Freud Centre on managing anxiety, www.annafreud.org/coronavirus-support/support-for-early-years
• The Council for Disabled Children, ‘Preparing your child for returning to school’, https://bit.ly/30RuHP3
• Contact (for families who have a child with SEND) has produced some helpful information, https://contact.org.uk/advice-and-support/covid-19/coping-at-home