Positive relationships: A parent's guide to ... Friendship

Q: How do friendships develop?

Children are naturally sociable from birth. Babies use their developing physical and social skills to make contact with others - watch how they enjoy interacting by giving and taking objects, or simply sitting and smiling at each other.

Friendships develop gradually through time spent in the company of other children, although it is not until around primary school age that children begin to play consistently with the same friend, or group. Before that, joining tends to depend on whether a game or activity interests them. Some young children happily play alongside others while not necessarily playing together.

Through shared experiences with their peers, children begin to learn the value of trust, honesty, support and reliability. It also helps for your child to have contact with children who are a little older, who can act as role models and demonstrate the caring and nurturing aspects of their characters.

Q: Should I worry if my child struggles to make friends?

Do not worry if your child appears to have problems getting along with other children. Young children are still learning how to take other's needs into account. Developing social skills is a gradual process, and learning to share and play happily with others will develop over time. Be prepared to help your child to interact with the other children she meets.

When your child is in a new situation it is very natural for them to hang back and watch rather than join in the play. They can learn a lot through observing others and build up confidence to enter into other children's games.

But if you continue to have concerns, speak to your child's keyworker or the staff at their nursery setting. They will be able to discuss the situation with you and work with your child to help overcome any difficulties, such as shyness, and help her to integrate.

Q: How do I support my child's friendships?

You can help your child to socialise by inviting a wide range of children over to your house to play, or include others in activities such as a trip to the park. This also helps to increase their circle of friends so that they do not become dependent on just one child when they are older.

If your child appears to hover on the sidelines rather than join in, give them strategies to become involved, such as suggesting that they ask, 'Can I play?' or, 'Do you want to dig with me?'

Remember that your child will model their behaviour on you, so let them see you talking to and listening to your friends, sharing things and enjoying their company.

Q: My child finds it hard to share her toys. How can I help?

Sharing is a skill that children have to learn. It's particularly hard if they do not have siblings, because they may have become used to having their things all to themselves.

By inviting other children into your home you are already starting to help your child learn how to share. But a good starting point is to make sure young children do not have to share too much so that they do not need to, for example, fight over the only toy car. Provide a selection of toys and suggest useful phrases such as, 'Can I play with that when you've finished?' instead of grabbing a toy. You could also use dolls or teddies to set up sharing role plays to enact with your child.