Positive Relationships: Behaviour - Ask the expert ... Comfort eating

The mother of a three-year-old in our setting wants her daughter to eat only organic produce, to avoid salt and fat wherever possible and to have fruit rather than any cakes or biscuits, even as a treat. This attitude is causing a lot of anxiety in the child, who is unwilling to try new foods, says lots of foods are bad and can't join in mealtimes in an enjoyable way with the other children. What can we do to promote a 'healthier' attitude in the child and the mother?

As is so often the case with all the queries that have been sent to us, there is no easy answer. In addition, this question highlights a particular dilemma that so many of you face from time to time: balancing a parent's wishes against the best interests of the child.

In this case, a well-meaning mother, who wants the best possible nutrition for her child, has unintentionally fostered an almost fearful attitude in her daughter towards food.

The situation is worrying on two counts. First, it appears to be restricting what foods the child might try, and second, it is affecting her ability to enjoy the social aspects of eating. For many of us, food is not simply 'fuel' but part and parcel of family and social life.

Even in these days when family meals appear to be less enjoyed, there remains a powerful link between social gatherings and food. Eating together has strong associations with friendship, with cultural practices and even with aspects of faith.

Then, there is the pleasurable aspect to food. Eating not only makes us feel physically satisfied but helps us feel emotionally comforted as well. We even describe some foods as 'comfort foods'. This emotional link can then tie in with how we 'view' food and further influence what we tend to eat.

The other issue is that food and eating can be powerful influences within a family, as personal likes and dislikes become a tyranny and children demand certain foods and refuse others.

Children soon learn that such demands or refusal can exert enormous control over parents (if allowed). In some cases they may represent the only area of choice and decision-making some children feel they have. It ensures attention and a misplaced feeling of independence. As I said earlier, food is not simply 'fuel'!

Healthy Eating

So, let us next consider what is healthy eating for very young children. What exactly is a healthy diet for this age group? Is healthy eating for a very young child the same as for an adult?

After all, the brain is growing at a great rate in the early years, and very young children are usually physically active, both of which make big demands on nutritional requirements. Think how much some children eat during adolescence, when both brain and body are again undergoing huge changes.

The average energy requirements of children in kcals (calories) per day are:

1 year: 935kcals
2 years: 1,160kcals
3 years: 1,430kcals
4 years: 1,530kcals
(Crawley: 2006)

There is obviously huge concern over childhood obesity and its potential consequences, but we still have to consider whether this little girl is eating a full range of foods, including lean meat, fish, dairy and bread, as well as fruit and vegetables, grains and pulses - although high-fibre foods should only be introduced gradually during these early years.

In addition, very young children should not be placed on 'low fat' diets, as some fat is needed in their diet. Children under two, for example, should not be given skimmed or semi-skimmed milk.

Unfortunately, there is no mention of what kinds of foods this little girl considers 'bad'. However, if the mother refuses to buy any processed foods which may contain high levels of salt and/or sugar, or never takes the child to popular family eating places, the child may think that anything that resembles such food is 'off limits'.

For example, she may consider beefburgers as 'bad', whereas burgers made with good-quality minced beef are perfectly nutritious. Similarly, pizza may be perceived as 'bad', though a fresh vegetable topping makes it both a popular and acceptable choice.

Mother's Attitude

Next to consider is the mother's own attitude to food (and potentially the whole family). It may be useful to find out the mother's major concerns, which can range from an understandable desire to ensure her child is healthy, to perhaps having additional ethical/moral or ideological perspectives towards food.

For example, she may insist on organic because of views on pesticides, or there may be a history of heart disease in the family, which has made her even more concerned about her child's diet.

Also, the mother may have her own issues about what, when and how much to eat, which if identified would also provide some insight into the role model she is providing her daughter regarding meal times.

Her concerns can provide a powerful emotional context in which this little girl is learning about food and may influence the atmosphere during mealtimes at home. In addition, her concern about cake or other treats reinforces my suspicion as to whether there are some deeper issues at stake for this mother.

These home/family experiences are the ones that this child is bringing to the setting, and they are influencing her ability to enjoy mealtimes with her peers.

Incidentally, this point also highlights the importance of good role modelling within the setting. If practitioners show unwillingness to try different foods, then it is unlikely that children will try them either!

The practitioners in this setting must remain respectful of the parent's wishes and the child's attitude, but at the same time encourage her gently to try new foods by role modelling, perhaps by providing 'taster sessions' and by talking about how different foods feel in the mouth, smell and taste. Cooking activities, if the setting can accommodate these, may also help, as will growing vegetables in grow bags if space allows.

'Bad' Foods

The most worrying thing of all is the idea that this child considers some foods as 'bad'. This potentially lays the ground for poor eating habits in the future and may contribute to various anxieties about food and what it does to the body, and thereby possibly affect the child's future body image.

It is important that this child begins to understand that no food is instrinsically 'bad' - it is only when we eat too much of particular foods, or too narrow a range of foods, that trouble sets in.

We are fortunate in this country that so few people go hungry and that we have the luxury of a great deal of choice. We must help children to eat healthily but also support them in enjoying food, with all its social links and traditions with the heart and mind as well as the body.

Maria Robinson is an early years consultant and author of From Birth to One and Child Development from Birth to Eight: A journey through the early years (Open University Press). Her Nursery World series on child development can be bought online at: www.nurseryworld.co.uk/Books

If you have a behaviour query for Maria Robinson, please e-mail it to: ruth.thomson@haymarket.com, or write to the address on p12

MORE INFORMATION

- Pre-School Learning Alliance (2006) Children First

- www.direct.gov.uk, Healthy Eating for Children

- Crawley, H (2006) Eating Well for Under Fives in Child Care. Caroline Walker Trust (available online, www.cwt.org.uk, or from the Caroline Walker Trust, 22 Kindersley Way, Abbots Langley, Herts WD5 0DQ)