Positive Relationships: Behaviour - Well done

We have been having a discussion in our staffroom about whether you can ever praise a child too much. Surely, there are times when children should just do things without us having to constantly praise them? It sometimes feels in our nursery as we are there just to pander to the children's egos all the time.

It is pretty much standard advice in early years to praise children for their efforts and achievement. What is less clear sometimes is the 'whys' and 'hows' of this advice. So, before turning to whether or not we give far too much praise, perhaps this needs unpicking first.

Praise is, in essence, positive attention and recognition. There are many reasons why children will need praise from adults. First, and usually the most commonly given reason, it is to keep children on the straight and narrow. As you may remember from your own childhood, a lot of things in life such as having to put on an apron when you would rather just get straight to the paint are not fun and so praise is a little like Mary Poppins' spoonful of sugar. It sweetens situations and acts as persuasion.

It is particularly helpful in this respect with very young children for whom a long-winded explanation about how the paint may get their clothes dirty is simply not going to work - partly because the children don't have the language skills to process the adult's monologue and partly because getting dirty is of no particular concern to them.

There are a few tips around praising children in this way. First of all, timing is important. Praise which is soon after or, better still, at the time of the action is more likely to be effective and remembered. Tone of voice is key along with a great smile. A begrudging 'Well done' will do little to encourage the child.

THOUGHTFUL BEHAVIOUR

Praise is also used to flag up to a child that they have shown thoughtful or responsible behaviour. Praise is used to recognise the child but also in the hope that they may remember and repeat the action. It might be that a two-year-old was spotted offering another child a toy, or a posse of four-year-olds have come to say another child is distressed.

Here, the tip is to praise by naming the action, so that the child knows what was significant about what they have done. This may sound like 'Well done. You gave him a toy' or 'That's nice of you to come and let us know.' With young children, this type of praise is important. It helps them work out what type of conduct is valued. Of course, children need to see thoughtful actions modelled by adults too.

EFFORTS AND ACHIEVEMENTS

Then there is praise after a child has made an effort or achieved something. This type of praise is, in effect, recognition. It lets the child know that you have noticed their effort. This type of praise is quite powerful and it is very important that we pitch it right.

With babies, we may clap hands and they may join in. With older children, there is a strong argument that it should take the form of an acknowledgement which, if possible, helps them to reflect on their achievement. 'Wow! You've finished that. Are you pleased?' This in theory helps the child to learn to acknowledge their achievements internally.

SELF-IMAGE

On now to the nub of your question. Whether you can give children too much praise? The answer is yes if praise falls only into the camp of being conditional on a child's achievement or pleasing the adult. This is the 'I'm proud of you'/'excellent work'/'good boy' stuff.

Interestingly, while most people, especially parents, slip into this at times, it can be harmful if it is the only type of praise on offer. It can make children feel that they are valued only if they have done something well. It may mean that some children then start to close down their options and refuse to try new things - afraid that they may not succeed and so fail to get the adult attention. An overdose of this type of praise can also stifle children's creativity and imagination as they may wait to work out what it is that adults value.

On the other hand, praise that helps children to feel valued for their own sakes and encourages children to self-acknowledge is very much needed. This is not pandering to their 'ego' as you put it. It actually acts like a protective garment, helping children to build a positive self-image. Unconditional recognition, such as 'I was hoping that I would see you today', helps children feel valued and wanted, while praise on the lines of 'I knew you would get there in the end. Are you pleased with yourself?!' helps children to feel that they have underlying competence.

Finding ways of helping children develop a strong self-image is particularly important in children's earliest years. Later on, by around six or seven years, they will start to evaluate themselves against others. They will notice that they may not be reading as well as another child or someone else in their class can run faster. For children who have not had much recognition or have had too much conditional praise, this can be problematic.

In some cases, it may result in children actually giving up being able to read or write. For other children who have a strong self-image and sense of underlying competency, outcomes are more positive. While they may still recognise that others are 'ahead', they will have sufficient self-belief to persevere.

POINTS TO CONSIDER

• Make sure that your praise is sincere and genuine

• Recognise that praise is a powerful tool and can support children's behaviour and positive self-image

• Think about non-verbal ways of recognising and acknowledging children, for example, smiling and thumbs up

• Help older children to learn the skills of self-acknowledgement

• Make sure that not all praise is linked to achievement - children do need unconditional recognition too.