Positive relationships: Let's talk about ... biting

Q: Why do you think that children bite?

When children are around two years old they may become frustrated because they can't speak or express themselves well and biting can be the result, and with some of them it is a common occurrence for a time.

Reasons also include teething, because they want attention or sometimes it's just a natural defence instinct.

Some children are pleased once they've bitten because they have got attention. Others are scared and confused - they do not really know what happened because it was just a reaction. You can see some children feel awful about what they've done and the hurt they've caused.

Q: What biting incidents have you seen in nursery settings?

We had a two-year-old who was biting up to six or seven times a day. She was attacking children and members of staff. It was extreme and difficult to deal with. We ended up having a one-to-one ratio with her and it was still happening. We tried everything, including a behavioural psychologist.

Ultimately we had to think of the health and safety of the other children and ended up having to ask the child to withdraw from nursery, which we all felt very uncomfortable with. But we had persevered for six months and one child was bitten six times in one day, there were bite marks all down his arm.

Two children in the nursery only ever bite each other and no other children - really odd. Another bites because of frustrations with her speech; she's so intelligent but can't get the words out. Another child had a phase of biting but stopped when her speech came.

One child started biting a lot and we realised through observations that she would do it when she was getting tired, so we kept an eye on her at those times and supported her.

I worked in a big nursery with lots of children in a room. One child, who was one-and-a-half, was just not suited to the nursery environment. If children went near her she was frightened. She was biting ten or 12 times a day. Maybe she needed a smaller nursery. She'd gone with being with her mum to 15 children.

One parents was holding a baby and a two-year-old walked past and bit the baby on the toes. The parent was furious. She looked at the child as if she was an animal - you couldn't blame her.

A child can be happily giving a cuddle and the next minute, bite someone. Then the awful decision is, do we let her give children cuddles or do we jump in every time in case she bites?

Q: How do you respond to biting incidents?

Biting is covered in nursery nurse training but it is something you only properly learn in practice. All children react in different ways and you need to recognise the situations.

We have a behaviour policy and now we have an extreme behaviour policy of what to do if it gets out of control.

We observe and discuss whether there are certain times when the biting is happening. We also consider age and stage of the child. One time we decided to get some more physical toys, trampoline and seesaw so the children were having more physical stimulation.

We called a meeting for parents when we were dealing with the extreme biting situation. We did a presentation on biting, talked about behaviour management and told them the steps we take to deal with the behaviour - referring to an area SENCO, health visitor, psychologist and then ultimately terminate the place. We wanted to show we were not just brushing it all under the carpet. The meeting reassured their trust in the nursery.

When my brother bit my mother she grabbed his hand and bit him back. Nowadays you'd end up in court for doing that! All it shows is "I'm bigger so I can hurt harder". Parents have asked whether they should bite back, and of course we say no.

We have compiled a folder of ways we have successfully dealt with biting. We can then refer to this for different management techniques.

We need to work out whether the child is still at the egocentric stage or if they have an understanding of other people. It is only then that you can decide how to deal with it.

A lot of our problems stem from biting only happening at nursery. At home children are not experiencing the same situations. Parents ask why and can say we're being negligent.

We don't tell parents who has bitten their child but some children tell and it gets around who the biters are. There can be hostility between parents and those who have children who bite.

Q: How do you feel about approaching parents about biting?

It's heartbreaking telling parents that their child has been bitten. Sometimes they understand, but it is hard.

One child got bitten on the face. I was new out of college and was asked to speak to the parent. It would have been better for a manager to phone them. Now I can explain what is happening, but I did not have the answers for the parents because I hadn't experienced it before. I should have had more support.

We don't want children to be hurt or to bite and it's so hard to cope when a parent is shouting at us.

They feel let down because they pay for childcare and feel they are not get the standard of care they deserve.

Often the parents of the child who is biting need a lot of reassurance that their child is not an animal and does not have real behavioural issues. I can reassure them that it's a normal stage of behaviour and say that I went through it with my daughter and she did stop biting.

One parent reported us to Ofsted for not looking after their child properly. Ofsted thankfully concluded that we were dealing with it properly. But it was hard for all the staff.

In the extreme case, someone got hold of the mum's phone number and was abusive. It just shows what an emotive subject it is. It is so distressing for everyone concerned and it took over our life as a nursery for some time.

AN EXPERT'S VIEW

By Penny Tassoni, early years and childcare expert

Biting is particularly prevalent in the toddler phase and so tends to plague toddler rooms and parent and toddler groups. Some older children may also bite, particularly those with speech and language needs. This is because as speech develops, levels of frustration decrease and children find it easier to control their behaviour and socialise with others. For those practitioners working with older children who bite, it is important to assess and perhaps work intensively on the child's language needs, rather than focus alone on the biting.

For practitioners working with toddlers, dealing with biting can be particularly tricky. A bite can happen very quickly and almost randomly, even when there is a practitioner on the scene. The reality is that Mother Nature did not intend for toddlers to be in group care and so the odd squabbles, bites and tussling over toys are only typical, rather than deviant behaviours, and must be treated by everyone as such.

The first port of call when looking at preventing biting is to be aware of children whose bites tend to be of an exploratory nature and a little half-hearted. One way to deal with these is to firmly lift the child away and say 'no', so that the child learns that this behaviour is not approved of. It is essential also for the parents of such children to know that these early, almost friendly bites, must not be encouraged, even in play-fight situations.

In a situation where a toddler has more deliberately bitten another child, it is essential that practitioners recognise that there is a strong likelihood that the toddler will go on to bite again and so simply admonishing them will not work.

As bites happen extremely quickly, the best way to prevent further incidents from occurring is for an adult to keep the toddler completely busy until the end of the session. This does not have to be one-to-one attention, as the adult can play with other children at the same time; the aim is to keep the toddler totally absorbed so there is no opportunity or reason for them to bite. This distraction technique has the advantage of keeping other children safe and preventing the child from biting again and thus possibly developing a habit of it.

FURTHER READING

- 'What big teeth!' by Penny Tassoni (Nursery World, 22 December 2005, www.nurseryworld.co.uk/news/723161/big-teeth/).