Stop the clock! I’m pathetically proud that I can get myself and my two children up, washed, dressed and breakfasted in 45 minutes without help. Like many working mums, I had plenty of chance to perfect this morning routine before my eldest started school because I returned to work when she was nine months old. Perhaps that makes me a ‘smug mum’, as opposed to the ‘slummy mums’ recently shamed in the national press for doing the school run in their pyjamas.
OK, I admit that I rarely wear make-up and that my outfits are not the best put together, but when we leave the house we’re all fed and appropriately dressed for the day ahead – I’m not shuffling through the school gates in my slippers and PJs.
The issue went viral after the head of Skerne Park Academy wrote a letter to parents highlighting the ‘increasing tendency for parents to escort their children to and from school while still wearing pyjamas and, on occasion, even slippers’.
She wanted to ban this practice in order to raise school standards and prepare children for adult life. It’s not an issue confined to Darlington. It regularly happens at my daughter’s school too. Slippers tend to be replaced with Ugg-style boots, but I did see a mum arrive at school in her dressing gown once.
PURE LAZINESS?
While Skerne Park’s head received a lot of support for her actions, she was labelled a snob by others. Parents on our school Facebook page debated it, with some saying turning up to school in nightwear doesn’t set a good example to the children, branding it pure laziness and questioning how long it takes to throw some jeans on. Others argued that some parents don’t have partners to help and that, if they were running late, they too would go in their pyjamas.
Perhaps we should just be pleased that the children are arriving at school on time. Is it really the head teacher’s job to dictate what parents wear? At risk of also being labelled a snob, I feel that parents not bothering to get properly dressed for the school run shows disdain for the establishment, giving the impression that school is not important.
STRANGE FASHION
It may be a strange fashion statement, but I believe for some families that it points to a wider problem – children living in a household with chaotic lifestyles and lack of routine. If time really is so tight in the morning that there is no chance to get out of pyjamas, then what time are the children going to bed at night? It must be late if a 9am start is a struggle. Do they even have the chance of breakfast before the school day? Sending a letter requesting that parents change out of their nightwear before the school run could be touching on something that needs greater investigation from the school.
Mornings are chaotic. My two daughters are masters of delaying tactics and can’t even put their shoes on without being asked three times. There are days when a spilt glass of milk feels like a huge disaster and a lost book bag is the last straw. I end up shouting and then hate myself. Simply thinking about the stress caused by getting out of the house on time makes me want to curl up in the comfort of my onesie, but self-respect stubbornly stops me from joining others in the pyjama walk of shame.
A WORD OF ADVICE
Melanie Pilcher, policy and standards manager at the Pre-school Learning Alliance, says early years practitioners need to look beyond the clothes that parents wear in order to see the real issues at hand.
Throughout modern history, opinions have been divided over behaviour or fashion that’s considered outside the ‘norm’. What may seem totally unacceptable to some of us is perfectly reasonable to others. For some people, wearing nightwear outdoors is simply another means by which they choose to express themselves. For others, it’s the difference between getting a child to school or nursery on time with a good breakfast inside them and a rushed, chaotic morning routine where parent and child arrive at the school gates feeling completely frazzled.
Either way, early years practitioners know the importance of not jumping to conclusions or making judgements about children and their families. Our focus is always to recognise behaviour that would give cause for concern, such as a mother who suddenly changes her normal pattern of behaviour and appears not to be coping with family life; a child who is obviously not being fed, washed or dressed appropriately; or a marked deterioration in parenting that has previously been ‘good enough’ but is no longer meeting the child’s needs.
If we start to judge parents simply by what they are wearing and what we think they should be wearing, there is a danger that we will miss the real issues that may be happening in a child’s life. Early years providers have long been viewed as a non-judgemental and ‘safe place’ where parents feel able to ask for help when they need it without fear of being judged, and are willing to accept advice and support from practitioners with whom they will have built a positive relationship.
The bottom line is that it’s not what parents wear that counts: it’s what they do that really matters.
