Self-esteem: I'm OK!

Carers should be sensitive to the messages they give that affect a child's sense of self-worth, says Penny Tassoni

It is being increasingly recognised that success in many areas of people's lives depends on their level of self-esteem or sense of personal worthiness as a child. A child with high self-esteem will find it easier to make stable friendships, cope with new situations and fulfil their academic potential. Contrast this with the child who develops a low self-esteem - this will hold them back both socially and academically throughout their childhood and into adult life. It is therefore a welcome move to see that the Foundation Stage guidance expects settings to 'provide experiences and support to enable children to develop a positive sense of themselves'.

So what is self-esteem and how does it develop in children? Self-esteem is about our personal sense of worth, and appears to be based on a series of internal and subconscious judgements that we make about ourselves. At first children develop a self-image - a feeling of who they are and what they are like. As they get older, they develop a strong feeling of how they would like to be, or their ideal self.

Research shows that the closer children's self-image is to their ideal self, the higher their self-esteem. Children who do not match up to their own feelings of what they want to be like, no matter how well they are doing, will have low self-esteem. It is for this reason that adults working with young children have a vital role in helping them to achieve a positive view of themselves, as this is the first step in the development of self-esteem.

Milestones in self-image

The development of self-image begins at birth. At around two to three months babies learn that they are separate beings. By 21 months, most can look in a mirror and understand that the reflection staring back is not another child, but an image of themselves. At around two years, most children know whether they are a boy or a girl, and by three years they start to make remarks such as 'I am THREE years old and I am a big girl!'

Children at the Foundation Stage age begin to define themselves in concrete terms, often focusing on what they can do - 'Look at me, I can cut this out all by myself.' Up until this point, children are quite egocentric and concentrate largely on themselves, but from around six years, children begin to define themselves in a more qualitative and comparative way as they begin to think about themselves in relation to others.

Sadly, you may hear children saying things such as, 'I can't run fast, not like Amy. She runs really fast.' By this point some children are showing the hallmarks of low self-esteem by trying to opt out of situations where they feel they may fail.

Boosting self-esteem

The knowledge that children's sense of identity and worthiness is formed in their early years means that we need to be aware of the process by which children are taking in information about themselves. One of the ways in which children learn about themselves is known as the 'looking- glass effect', using others' reactions almost as a mirror to be able to see themselves. Babies and children take in our body language as well as our actual words. If you work with babies, you will often see them gazing at adults and then mirroring a smile as they begin the process of working out how to socialise. Every time you smile and interact warmly with a baby, you help to sow the seeds of a positive self-image.

If you work with under-fives, you may notice how keen they are to gain your attention and approval. Many toddlers are born clowns, repeating their actions if they have noticed that they raised a smile or a laugh from an adult.

The way in which children use adult approval and recognition to develop their self-image means that we must be very careful about how and when it is given.

• Children must not learn that approval is only given for achievement or for pleasing an adult. This can cause children to fear failure, as they worry that if they cannot achieve they are in some ways not good enough to gain approval. Avoid using phrases such as 'can you count these for me?' Try using instead 'shall we count these?'
  
  
• Children need to learn that they are cared for and valued simply because 'they are'. The way that children are greeted when they come into settings is crucial, since they often look carefully at adults' faces for signs of approval. One pre-school always tells children who have been absent for one reason or another that they have been missed. This gives children a feeling that they are being thought about and loved even when they are not there.
  
  
• Children also develop a strong self- image if they are encouraged to be self-reliant. It is sometimes a good idea to ask children about how they feel by saying things such as 'are you pleased with yourself?' so that they learn the skill of mentally patting themselves on the back, rather than relying on adults for approval.
  
  
• Children need also to learn how to cope with life's ups and downs. People with low self-esteem tend to blame themselves and become negative, rather than attributing setbacks to external influences and looking for ways of staying in control. Use opportunities such as, say, when a toy model falls apart, to talk about 'times when things do not go to plan'. Acknowledge children's frustrations, but gently steer them towards taking control again by, for example, asking them if they can think of another way of fixing the model.

Finally, it is important to remember that adults need recognition, too. We all benefit from the odd word of praise. A nursery in Leeds introduced a time in meetings for staff to acknowledge each other's work. A simple idea, but worth considering nonetheless. NW

Penny Tassoni is an education consultant, trainer and author of childcare and education text books

Student links

This article links to elements C5.3 and C5.5 of the NVQ 3 in Early Years Childcare and Education.

Evidence collector: If you are a student, you may wish to carry out the following activity. Remember to consult with your supervisor and/or the children's parents if necessary.

• Activity: Using photos of the children, produce a display entitled 'You make us smile...' Under each child's picture, put a caption that focuses on one of their personal qualities. Aim to involve children as you do this so that they can make suggestions and feel happy with the result.