Opinion: To the point - Being seen and heard

Being abroad makes you think about your own country in different ways. While I was on holiday in France I was especially struck by two scenes. First, on a campsite with lots of British families, I noticed how nice many of the parents were to their children. On the pitch next to us was a large family, and I kept hearing the kind concern of the parents. I heard the father asking their little girl if she was enjoying spending time on her own gazing at the sea, or was she feeling left out? The mother managed to prepare meals on a small camping stove for all the children, taking account of their food preferences, with exceptional patience. It was the same at the shops, on the beach, in restaurants - people talking to their children, taking an interest, listening.

It's always striking that children on the continent are out in cafes and restaurants and playing on the streets. But I noticed that this culture goes along with other things which are unfamiliar. I saw a family coming into a cafe, their two-year-old whining: all very familiar until the mother turned to the child and said, firmly in French, that she must stop absolutely. She did. The same evening, as some children's play got a little out of hand outside the cafe, a number of adults - who weren't their parents - brought things to a halt and sent the children inside.

So the children who are out in the evening are not really free, and nor do they get much attention - they are on adult territory and they have to cope with what's expected.

I couldn't possibly have silenced my own child at that age like that French mother, and wouldn't have wanted to. I would not feel comfortable telling other people's children what to do in a public place. Yet my observation of those French children was that they were able to conform to expectations. It was a struggle for the little girl to hold back her tears, but she managed and it enabled her to enjoy being in the company of adults. Perhaps the children felt safe knowing that they were being watched over, and that there were absolute limits.

The time, care and attention many parents in Britain give their children is precious. But perhaps with this positive change has come a loss. I wonder if sometimes we are leaving children at the mercy of their impulses, and giving them the freedom to be unlikeable; whether in taking away restrictions, we have also taken away their opportunity to be part of society.

- Julian Grenier is head of Kate Greenaway Nursery School and Children's Centre, London.