Opinion: To the point - When it's okay to butt in

I confess that I am a compulsive people watcher and I am fascinated by families. Observing the behaviour of children inevitably leads to frustration that many adults struggle with any understanding of children's learning.

On a visit to Manchester I walked by a couple of young mothers standing in the street with their toddlers in buggies. The two-year-old boy had a bottle of fizzy drink in his hand. While his mother was chatting into her mobile phone he discovered that tipping the bottle upside down created an exciting torrent of liquid which then ran all over the pavement.

His curiosity was quickly cut short when Mum spotted what he was up to, clashed him around the head and swore vociferously. She grabbed the bottle out of his hand and started pushing the child purposefully into the next square.

Sadly, I am no longer shocked by such behaviour and don't feel a need to be judgemental. Parenting is a difficult skill and no one hands you the script when you give birth.

Intervention by well-meaning members of the public is not necessarily welcome. But when does it become permissible to at least share some understanding of the importance of the child?

Many years ago I brought up a young family in Poland. My baby son objected to wearing mittens in a typical Polish winter. Inevitably he would remove them when I was queuing and shopping for necessities. The old grandmas would remonstrate with me and try to explain that it was cold and he needed to keep them on. Although I was humiliated by my lack of communication skills, I appreciated their concern for my child's welfare.

We talk about it 'taking a whole village to raise a child'. In the UK we increasingly turn a blind eye to inappropriate parenting. We depend upon experts such as paediatricians to ensure that adults suspected of inflicting non-accidental injuries on children are provided with the necessary support. Failing this, we then expect the punitive measures of the law to intervene.

There has to be a way responsive adults can be appreciated without their well-meaning intentions being misinterpreted as interference and personal criticisms. How do we start?

Pat Wills is a parenting co-ordinator in Blackpool.