To the point...

Springtime holidays enable opportunities for all sorts of reflection. Our children's centre relaxes and school staff have a chance to arrange meetings with invited families in an informal context. Talking to mothers away from the hurly burly of the school day provides a welcome opportunity to just listen to what they have to say.

The first surprise is that they don't really know each other. In a big urban primary school where everyone lives comparatively short distances from the school, we assume that parents talk to each other in the playground. Not any more. There is a wariness and a sense of keeping yourself safe which cuts across the old-fashioned view that the adults in the community already know each other.

As always, the responses are thoughtful and remind us that we make too many assumptions based on our own experiences of parenting. The pressures of time have always been an issue and fitting the running of a household around all the other demands now continues in an even more frenetic way.

Questions about 'me' time provoke the inevitable response. All of this group find it impossible to sit still. They talk about how their homes are noisy and that there is always something going on. Our 'Quiet Place'

includes resources for 'teaching' reflective parenting. One of the most used parts of the pack is the CD which talks them through a relaxation programme. Should we use this?

But 15 minutes later, the group are still and absolutely silent. They are amazed and they immediately recognise this is something that does not happen in their busy lives. More importantly, they recognise that it does not happen for their children either.

The next day brings an excited response. Several of them have tried the calming with their children and have had a fascinating time together as a family.

The next day, they learn from their children how the school promotes peer massage and watch them massage each other in a circle. The adults are more reluctant, as touching requires high levels of trust and security. The school's body worker provides them with the opportunity for hand and foot massages.

The group make demands of us. Can we meet again? Can we drop in for coffee? How can we keep this going? Here we are back into the hectic routine and they are planning to meet weekly in our family room. Oh, and incidentally, no one mentioned that this is a dreaded 'parenting course'.

Pat Wills is headteacher at Claremont Community Primary School and Centre of Excellence, Blackpool