cherished has much value, says Working Mum.
There's an incredibly important skill that many childcarers possess, but maybe don't realise it - making us parents feel like our child is the favoured one at nursery.
It's only something I realised recently when talking to a stranger on the bus. We were both taking our daughters to their respective nurseries and were swapping notes on their childcare, as you do. The other mum told me how all the staff love her child and that she's so special that they refer to her as princess.
I'd always secretly thought that the staff at our nursery particularly liked my eldest daughter because of the way that they would greet her in the morning and affectionately tell me about funny things that she had said or done during the day when I collected her.
Then I thought the same thing when DD2 (Dear Daughter 2) started attending the setting. I'd be told how they love it that she gives big cuddles and the way she pronounces particular words. They also seemed to be going out of their way to plan activities to suit her personal interests.
Over time, I've overheard other handover conversations and slowly realised that other parents weren't just getting a run-down on the number of dirty nappies but that the staff were sharing personal anecdotes with them too. Time may be short at the end of the day, but it never feels like the practitioners are rushing us out of the door.
My friend is Italian and was asked to teach the staff a few phrases that they could use with her son, which made her feel that he was being treated as an individual. It seems like the staff genuinely care about each child, which is so important - to the children and to parents too.
I think there is an inbuilt need in many parents to feel that their child is the special one. We're very aware that our child is one of many in a nursery setting and we want the reassurance that they are not seen as just a number but an individual who is being looked out for and cherished. It helps us to deal with our guilt as we leave them at nursery.
Thankfully, there's not been much that I've needed to complain about at nursery, but to be honest I'm always reluctant to raise an issue. Partly because I don't like to make a fuss, but also because I'd hate to be seen as the complaining, awkward parent. It would make me worry that it would affect the bond between the practitioners and my child, which is silly because the staff demonstrate such kindness.
This affection shown towards the children has continued since DD1 (Dear Daughter 1) left nursery. When she goes with me to collect her sister, the practitioners all make a fuss of her and want to know how she is getting on at school.
What's more, the staff at her school are equally kind to her little sister when she is there.
It has amazed me how the classroom assistant and the people running the after-school club all remember her name - another fantastic skill that surely can't be taught.
Not only is it really friendly, but I feel it is already paving the way for when DD2 makes the transition to nursery school in a year's time. She sees it as a happy, caring place and already has a particular club leader that she likes to talk to.
It's good to know that, when the time comes, she'll be swapping one warm setting for another where the staff make everyone feel equally special.
A WORD OF ADVICE
Relationships with parents need nurturing, says Melanie Pilcher, policy and standards manager at the Pre-School Learning Alliance.
Good early years practitioners recognise the importance of positive relationships with parents and how they in turn contribute to the emotional well-being of children in their care. But these important relationships do not just happen by chance - they have to be nurtured, given time and acknowledged as the basis of an effective key person approach.
Your responsibilities stretch beyond meeting the basic needs of children and exchanging information with their parents. You draw on many interpersonal skills from the moment that you are introduced; you are involved in making them feel that your setting is a safe place; you are their insight into the child's world while they are with you; you project warmth and empathy, showing an interest, making them feel special while establishing professional boundaries and expectations on which your relationship is based.
Parents should be told that feedback is valued and will be listened to. Terminology is important. A formal 'complaints' procedure will be in place and parents must be made aware of how they can complain should the need arise, but more often than not you will be dealing with a minor 'issue' that should not escalate if handled sensitively.
Maintaining relationships
- Seek feedback from parents in a range of ways so that you can pre-empt likely sources of tension.
- Share examples of how you have listened and responded to parents in the past.
- Remember, what may seem like a minor issue could be a significant worry for a parent, so don't trivialise their concern.
- Some parents are reluctant to complain, fearing you will treat their child differently, so be aware of your response to criticism.
- Make time for parents. If you appear too busy for them, they will assume you are always too busy for their child.
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