Q. We have two children (both four-year-olds) currently in our nursery who each have an imaginary friend. One child just uses her friend in her pretend play: chatting and involving the friend in domestic role play in the home corner. We realise that many young children have an imaginary friend, so we do not see this automatically as a problem. However, the second child really seems to need his 'friend' to speak up for him. His father is getting worried that his son can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality.
A. You are right in saying that quite a few young children have imaginary friends. My parents told me I had an imaginary friend who lived in the tree at the end of our road! The 'friends' usually disappear around five or six years of age.
It is normally best to respond in a similar way as you would to children's comments that Teddy had said or wanted something. Young children are in the process of learning the boundaries between fantasy and reality. The crossover point is blurred and, as adults, we sometimes contribute a bit to the blurring in creative story-telling sessions and our positive support for pretend play.
There is usually no need to become concerned unless the pretend demands of an imaginary friend risk disrupting nursery or family life. The second child you describe may well be communicating through his friend because, for some reason, he finds it hard to express his feelings directly. If he is talking about worries, you could say something like, 'I'm glad that (name of his friend) let me know you are unhappy about.... Can we have a chat and see what we can do about it?'
You could helpfully reassure the boy's father about children's understanding of fantasy and reality and perhaps suggest he could try a similar approach.
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