Nursery World - Ask the expert (26)

Educational therapist Andrea Clifford Poston answers your queries about child behaviour Q. A five-year-old in my class feels he has to do everything perfectly right away. We have tried to praise and encourage him, but as soon as he meets a difficulty he gives up and gets upset, saying, 'I can't do it right'. A. What we are dealing with here is this boy's self image and what he believes makes him lovable.

A. What we are dealing with here is this boy's self image and what he believes makes him lovable.

The child who needs to do things perfectly knows that they are not perfect.

It takes some children longer than others to come to terms with the disillusionment of discovering that they are not their parents' only and total concern. By age five, most children have accepted that they cannot take their father's place in their mother's love, and vice versa.

This boy may be taking a little longer than others to accept his place in the family. Unconsciously, he may be feeling that if he were perfect, then his parents would love him exclusively. It may be that he feels that when he fails he is not acceptable to the adults.

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