Nursery World - Ask the expert (44)

Child psychologist Jennie Lindon answers your letters about child behaviour Q. I am the childminder for three children and recently one mother let me know that she and her partner were separating. She has told her four-year-old daughter, who is very upset. I agreed that it is far better for children to know if there is going to be a big change in family life.

Q. I am the childminder for three children and recently one mother let me know that she and her partner were separating. She has told her four-year-old daughter, who is very upset. I agreed that it is far better for children to know if there is going to be a big change in family life.

But the mother's own family have seriously criticised her for telling the child about the forthcoming separation.

A. It is far easier for early years practitioners when you know something distressing is happening at home. Part of your professionalism is that parents can trust your discretion. I agree with you that it is far better for children to be told about a change in their life. They need information and a chance to ask questions. Many children, who talk after family separation, say it was awful to be left confused about what was going to change in their life and what might stay the same. There is also a high risk that children think they have caused the disruption.

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