Toddler groups, playgroups, nurseries - they all need the help and support of parents. But if the parent is a father, how welcome will he be?
This is something Jimmy Donald of One Parent Families Scotland would like everyone involved in the care of young children to consider. At the end of January, he helped set up a Lone Fathers' Support Centre in Edinburgh. 'Lone fathers feel very isolated,' he says. 'Policy and provision has not, until very recently, catered for lone fathers at all. They are only now being recognised as a group of people who need offers of help. I don't think people generally are aware of how many fathers are solely responsible for looking after their children.'
Jimmy feels strongly that men who are the sole carers of their children find it difficult to ask for help, and need the support and encouragement of others in the same position. 'Fathers can learn from other fathers, sharing knowledge and parenting skills,' he says.
Jimmy would like to see everyone getting involved in helping these men. He is aware that in Edinburgh there are very few male health visitors, for example. 'Men might be more inclined to talk and release their feelings, problems or concerns to another man,' he explains. 'I do think men try not to let on that they are finding it hard.'
It is vital that mothers and fathers are made equally welcome at whatever groups their children attend. It is not just a case of inviting men to come along. Much of community education is arts and crafts-based, and that is not necessarily something men feel comfortable with. They may find other activities more attractive.
Lesley Creevy, playleader at Aberfoyle Playgroup, has fathers taking their place on the rota, but she is aware that men may need extra reassurance as they are entering what is often considered to be a woman's environment. 'Some dads are more relaxed if the work bench or the Lego is out,' she says. Others are very happy to get involved in baking or story-telling, but, like anyone in a new situation, they may need some initial encouragement.
Jimmy thinks many lone fathers need to have their self-esteem boosted. 'What they are doing is absolutely imperative to the nurturing of their children,' he says. 'But they often feel there is a stigma attached to being a lone father.' As well as helping fathers looking after children on their own, Jimmy helps 'contact fathers' - those who see their children only at weekends after a divorce or separation - and fathers living with a partner who is unable to look after the children.
He runs a drop-in surgery at the Gilmerton Children's Centre on Tuesday afternoons and at One Parent Families Scotland on Thursday mornings. But he wants people to know that he is available throughout the week on his mobile phone, and any father with a concern or worry can contact him. If he doesn't have the answer to their particular problem, he can refer them to someone who does.
The group has found that organising trips for fathers and their children on Saturday mornings has been very beneficial. 'Activities suit the fathers better. They are more likely to open up then,' explains Kenny Spence, manager of the Gilmerton Children's Centre, who, with Jimmy, helped set up the Lone Fathers' Support Centre.
The trips are funded with money from Sure Start. The fathers themselves decide where they would like to go. 'It may be the zoo or some place like Dynamic Earth,' says Jimmy. 'We also try to give them a treat and go to some place like McDonalds, which these children don't normally get the chance to visit.'
Murray Wood, a father who has recently joined the group, agrees that these trips are an excellent way for fathers and children to relax, to play together and to establish good communication. He appreciates being able to take his two young sons to places he could not otherwise afford to go and also enjoys the companionship of the other fathers. They have recently gone swimming and bowling with the group, as well as on a steam train trip to Bo'ness. 'The men in the group have a great attitude,' says Murray. 'There's a lot of love going around.'
* See our forthcoming special report on lone fathers
