How our nursery coped with the loss of a child

At SEND to Learn Nursery we recently had a little one who died at the age of two years old. We provide education and care for children with complex medical needs and, unfortunately, complications arise with these children which can result in them losing their fight for life.

We provide a service for the parents and these children so that they can experience the same activities that other children get the opportunity to do.Other settings have refused to take children like this due to the training that staff have to undertake and the 1 to 1 support the children require with no additional funding from the government.

The little one was the first child who we had lost, so we needed to put procedures in place for staff, our families and children.

The little one had previously survived a near death event almost a year earlier so everyone expected him to be able to do the same thing again; unfortunately this was not the case.

In relation to staff, this is the procedure we followed:

I found out about his death in the middle of the afternoon, but made the decision not to inform staff until all of the children had left for the day. I phoned the deputy manager who was not in that day to inform her and this was carried out shortly after I had been notified.

I brought the staff that I had in on that day together and informed them of the news. I then told them all to go home early and that I would complete the cleaning for the day. I then phoned all the members of staff who were not in on that day and told them personally.

Leaflets were made available in relation to coping with bereavement for those people who required them.

Staff were given time away from the children if this was required, and we had a new little one who was very similar to the child who had died start the following week. The member of staff who had been allocated as his key person was asked if she was able to cope or wanted to change children. She did not want to change. All staff were pre-warned about the new child starting and the similarities to the other child.

Grief affects everyone differently, and staff frequently come across his pictures in our setting learning journey books and, again, management are sensitive to this and staff can access time out. We accept that this will be an ongoing process.

In relation to our families:

We wrote a brief explanation letter for all parents (with the permission of the child’s family) and I personally informed every parent when they either came to drop their child off or collect their child. Some of our parents already knew of his death as they were family friends.

We decided as a nursery to close on the day of his funeral so that staff could attend if they wished to. All of our parents supported this decision and a collection was made on the child’s behalf and given to a support group he attended every week. This was his parents’ wish.

Leaflets were made available about coping with bereavement for those people who required them. We know that some of our current parents have had to cope with one of their children dying and we were sensitive to this allowing them to have time to speak to us about this and pass on their support to his parents.

In relation to the children:

It was agreed through discussions with parents who had children who were his friends and the family that if children asked, the response from all parties would be as follows:

(Child’s name) was very poorly and the doctors could not make him better so he will not be coming to Nursery any more but he has left us a photo of himself.

Nursery has named a dedicated sensory room in the child’s memory as this was their favourite space in nursery. This was agreed by parents and staff.

I hope that our experience and the way we have dealt with it may be of benefit to others.

Kath Dickinson, SEND to Learn Nursery