By following medical guidelines you should be able to achieve good management of the condition, provision of a safe environment and inclusion,without infringing on anyone's quality of life.
In the birthday situation described, blowing out the candles, then cutting the cake in a separate area could reduce accidental contact. You could explain to the children that the cake will be given to their parent for home time, or any allergic children could bring in their own labelled and wrapped cake alternatives for home time.
Invite any concerned parents to come in to nursery to help and see what happens on a birthday, or maybe do the party near to the end of the session.
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