Activity 1
A-L Brothers and sisters
Explore sibling rivalry through stories.
Planned learning intention
To use books, stories and resources to respond to significant experiences, showing a range of feelings where appropriate, and to value and contribute to own well-being and self-control
To respond to stories
Adult:child ratio 1:6
Resources
Story books (see book list, Nursery World, 8 November, page 20) writing and drawing materials tapes and recorder quiet area for book reading camera
Step by step
* Create an inviting, comfortable area where both children and adults can read the selected books. Display related pictures such as photographs of siblings and posters of animals and their young.
* Read the books to large and small groups and with individuals. Traditional tales such as Cinderella, Hansel and Gretel and Beauty and the Beast deal implicitly with the emotions, positive and negative, connected to living with siblings.
* Cinderella has a particularly powerful resonance, as the central character (to whom all children relate, regardless of gender) feels victimised by her siblings. The worry that parents might favour a sibling more than oneself is a common one that many children experience. It is important to note that in the traditional versions of the story (rather than pantomime or Disney versions) the two stepsisters are not ugly, but their personalities are unpleasant. Good quality versions of traditional stories allow us to connect in a safe way with emotions that, socially, we are not always encouraged to explore, such as jealousy and vengefulness, and it is not necessary to make this implicit to children; they do not need to know or understand the symbolism of the stories to benefit emotionally from them.
* Many contemporary stories and picture books deal with a child's experience of anticipating and learning to live with a new baby in the family. These can be used at specific times with specific children, but a well-written and illustrated book will have relevance at any time, for any child.
Emotional intelligence
* The very youngest children know exactly how they feel and what will make them happy. And when what they want conflicts with the desires of others, they express their displeasure naturally and instantly. Practitioners attempt to teach children sensitivity towards the well-being of others, but unfortunately, in so doing, we often inhibit children's sensitivity to their own feelings. Telling children that it's not good to be jealous can lead to their concealing their feelings to gain approval. This doesn't help the jealous feelings to go away. Our well-intentioned efforts aim to help children to develop good social skills, but to fully understand ourselves emotionally, we need to be able to acknowledge the positive and negative side of our personalities, and by encouraging children to deny and mask their feelings, we make it difficult for them to develop the true emotional intelligence needed to lead fulfilling lives.
* In the shorter term, children with poor self-image, who feel less 'acceptable' to adults because they find it hard to mask their negative feelings, will continue to engage in the anti-social behaviour that attracts disapproval in the first place. It is a difficult task, but it is important that we respond sensitively to emotional outbursts, and allow opportunities for children to reflect on experiences that induce negative emotions.
Activity 2
A-L Pick up a Pingu
Explore sibling rivalry through 'Pingu' videos.
Planned learning intention
To use books, stories and resources to respond to significant experiences, showing a range of feelings where appropriate, and to value and contribute to own well-being and self-control
To respond to stories
Adult:child ratio 1:4
Resources
Pingu video: 'The new arrival' episode deals with the arrival of a new baby, 'The lost baby' episode deals with having to take responsibility for a sibling, and having fun together, and the 'Misbehaviour' episode deals with negative feelings towards a younger sibling, and subsequent fears and anxieties for their safety.
Step by step
* Watch the 'Pingu' episodes more than once, with the children, ideally in small groups, allowing them to comment and raise questions throughout.
* Explore the range of emotions that Pingu might be feeling towards his baby sister, his parents and himself.
* Acknowledge that everyone has angry, jealous, hurt feelings about family relationships sometimes, and that these can be overwhelming emotions.
* Talk about the behaviours and actions that happen as a result, and how they impact on others. Explore strategies for dealing with specific instances, for example, when the baby takes your toy and when an older sibling leaves you out of their play, and suggest that the happiest outcome is always one where everyone feels satisfied - that is win/win, rather than win/lose.
* Provide lots of opportunities for children to explore the situations in role play and small-world play, to draw and paint pictures, dictate and write stories and captions, and generally revisit the subject (and videos) when needed.
* Although not every child will experience sibling rivalry or the arrival of a new baby, all children will know what it feels like to experience jealousy, and rivalry among friends is a common cause of conflict in early years settings. Where circle time is a well-structured part of the routine in a setting, it can provide a helpful format to explore this tricky subject with young children.
CIRCLETIME
Two's company...
Explore rivalry in circle time.
Step by step
* Over a period of time introduce two puppets (cuddly toys or dolls) to the children in different circle time activities, so that they are familiar with them.
* Tell the children the puppets have lost their voices, speaking only in a whisper into someone's ear and that they are happy for the children to tell each other about what has been said. Role model this for the children, establishing the routine and reminding everyone that no one needs to speak if they don't want to. This allows the children the opportunity to engage with the puppet, to be whispered to and to whisper back.
* Play simple circle games with the puppets, reminding the children that they only speak or handle the puppet when it is their turn. It is important that adults respect this rule too, and that adults and children are not allowed to disrupt.
* On a later occasion, introduce a third, new puppet. Tell the children the two puppets have been playing together in the cupboard. But now the new puppet has arrived and paired up with one and the other is jealous. Get the puppets to 'refuse' to talk to you, the adult, about the problem and enlist the children's help in encouraging them to 'share' their feelings.
* Send the puppets round the circle one at a time, suggesting that the children listen when it is their turn to see if the puppet wants to tell them anything. It is likely that a scenario will develop that explores jealousy. (If something else develops, then it is worth pursuing, as it may reflect the children's motivations).
* Give each puppet a chance to 'tell' their story through the children, acknowledging all comments and emotions (however negative) expressed.
* Ask the children to suggest what should be done to help the trio feel happy with each other, and with themselves. Respond positively to all suggestions and where necessary, get the puppets to 'talk' to you, so that you can validate emotions and strategies.
* Explore how it feels being made to apologise when you don't want to, and whether having 'sorry' said to you always makes you feel better. Consider other more meaningful ways of 'making up'.
* Perhaps the children (and adults) might want to share similar experiences that happened to them, and explore what might have helped them.
Further reading
* For reference, see Understanding Feelings from the series Growing up Today by Lynn Broadbent and Ros Bayley (Hopscotch Educational Publishing, Pounds 11.99).
* For further ideas for on exploring personal, social and emotional development see Storylines by Ros Bayley (Lawrence Educational Publications, 01922 643833)
