Parents often need to be reassured that nursery staff will look after their children as carefully as they do, says Mary Evans
People who are motivated to become childcarers because they want to work with children soon find that to be effective, they have to be adept at working with parents as well. One of the toughest challenges is coping with over-protective parents. While they are rare, they must not be ignored.
Sandra Hutchinson, proprietor of the Primley Park nursery chain in Leeds, says, 'If parents are being overprotective, it can often indicate that they have not yet got complete confidence. They need extra consideration. You have to work harder to make sure they are happy with the setting.' Ashoob Cook, director of the Happy Child chain in west London, says it is important to start building a relationship with parents before their child joins the setting. 'You have to create a genuine partnership. They have to feel comfortable and confident with you.'
Leading practitioners say parents' major causes of concern are the child's security, safety, happiness, diet and well-being (see box). Catherine House, proprietor of Springlands Nursery, Colchester, says, 'We like to stay one jump ahead of the parents so we can reassure them. Parents can think if a child is crying when they leave him that he will be unhappy all day. Children do go through a stage when they will cry if their parents leave the room at home. This often happens around the time they leave the baby room to join the toddler room. Parents think it is the room that is causing them to cry, but it is a stage of development. We have a handout we give parents when the child moves rooms, explaining the stages of development, and we give it to them again when the child is going through the stage.'
Child psychologist Jennie Lindon says good communication is the most effective tool for handling overprotective parents. She argues that while it is good practice to build a partnership between staff and parents, a setting should not automatically agree with every concern that parents raise. At times a parent might have a valid point and their anxieties will lead to a change in procedures, but at others their fears might be ungrounded and the staff should resist pressure to make changes.
Jennie advises, 'You should listen courteously to whatever concerns a parent raises. That does not mean that you have to agree immediately. Say something like, "Thank you for raising this. I can understand your concern. I would like to think about this, talk to my colleagues and I will get back to you." You must then do this.
'I get concerned about people who are so anxious something may happen that they cause a shift in the learning environment. Some people's practice is not as good as it should be. If a parent comes to you voicing concerns that their child seems to be falling off the climbing frame a lot recently, then rather than label them as anxious parents you should check and see what is happening. Maybe members of the staff team are spending too much time in the garden chatting to one another.
'I have come across situations where just one or two parents have swayed good practice. If a parent is very concerned about the woodwork table, as long as you are sure you have good practice a situation should not arise where you say, "If you feel strongly, we will remove this resource." What should happen is that you say, "Thank you for raising your concern. After serious consideration we will not remove this resource but we are very happy to talk through with you how we make it safe."'
Catherine House encourages parents to talk through their worries. 'We tell them to bring their concerns to us when they are molehills rather than wait until they become mountains. We have a saying that molehills are much easier to squash than mountains.'
Settings in the private sector can feel pressured to accede to a parent's request on the basis of 'he who pays the piper calls the tune'. But Jennie Lindon says managers should still act according to best-practice principles. 'If a parent requested that in terms of discipline you smacked their child, the team would have no hesitation in saying no. You would explain your answer was a non-negotiable "no".'
She warns that it is bad practice to resort to saying 'we are professionals', as it is divisive and it smacks of talking down to the parents. 'It is part of your professionalism that you should be able to explain to a parent what you are doing and why in a courteous way,' says Jennie. Staff should not label parents as anxious nor become negative about particular parents.
Common concerns
Security, health and safety Ashoob Cook notes how parents react to current events and worry about security. 'They ask if your staff are vetted, are they qualified and whether you have taken up the references. You have to show that you have strict security policies and procedures.'
Settings can ease parents' anxieties by demonstrating high standards of risk assessment and health and safety awareness.
Rosalind Taylor, director of the Puffins chain in Devon, says, 'These days you have to be an expert in everything. For example, you have to know about the different cleaning products and materials. We put our health and safety and risk assessment out to a specialist company. We had a case where a mother was unhappy when her child hurt her knee. She wanted to know why we had used paper towel for a cold compress and not cotton wool. I was able to say that it was on the advice of our health and safety people, because cotton wool can carry germs, and if she wished they would be happy to talk to her.'
Diet Rosalind Taylor says the chain complies with parents' dietary concerns to the extent that one child has regular milk while the rest drink organic milk. Ashoob Cook says the Happy Child settings, like many providers, keep daily diaries for parents, recording what their child has had to eat and drink as well as the major events of the day.
Happiness and wellbeing Parents worry that their child is unhappy and not making friends. Sandra Hutchinson says, 'When someone has been anxious about their child, I have taken a little video for them to see what he has been doing or I have given them some photographs.'
Catherine House says, 'We tell parents they can telephone the nursery and they will be put through to the room so they can speak to the staff looking after their child. We also have a viewing balcony. We encourage them to stay as long as they like to settle their child. When they leave the room they can have a cup of coffee and go upstairs to the viewing balcony and watch their child.'
