Rumours on the local grapevine or a change in main carer are often the ways an early years setting finds out a parent of one of their children has gone to prison – because it is shrouded in shame and embarrassment. This leads to a ‘hidden’ group of children who are left unsupported and distressed.
It is not known how many children in England and Wales are impacted by parental imprisonment as there is no statutory recording of it. According to children’s charity Barnardo’s, it is estimated there are up to 310,000 children every year in England and Wales separated from a parent because they are in prison. Research shows these children’s experiences can lead to poor physical and mental health, and significant trauma, especially as some will have witnessed criminal activity or the arrest of their parent.
‘We have learned through experience that coping with this situation can be difficult, emotional and very traumatic for everyone involved,’ says June O’Sullivan, CEO of the London Early Years Foundation (LEYF).
‘For many children, they operate within the language of the “unsaid”, trying to understand what is happening at home. Which is why understanding how best to navigate this sad and sensitive situation is critical. Children are always the innocent party and our role is to advocate for them and help them through it.’
To support this advocacy, LEYF has collaborated with the Prison, Advice and Care Trust (Pact) to produce a downloadable toolkit for settings (see Further information). It starts with how to sensitively address the issue with families, and respond to children’s needs in a non-judgemental way.
‘Sixty-five per cent of boys with a convicted parent go on to offend themselves, but if we put the right kind of pedagogy in place, including working on language and literacy, and staff being alert to things like transitions and understanding children’s stress, then we can give them a real chance,’ says O’Sullivan.
HOW TO SUPPORT THE CHILD
Aimee Hutchinson, children and young person’s quality and development manager at Pact, says a parent going to prison is often akin to a bereavement for a young child. ‘It affects a child’s sense of security, stability and their ability to build attachments,’ she explains. ‘If it is a primary carer, then it will impact every aspect of that child’s life, from just general routine and feelings of instability to even moving home and perhaps being cared for by somebody else.’
Good practice when supporting these children includes keeping nursery routines as stable as possible, because the rest of their life may feel out of control, and giving them the time and freedom to play, often the best therapy:
- Help the child to separate the person from the action, which can allow them to manage their feelings about still loving a person who has done a bad thing.
- Find out what the child knows and what story they have been given by their parents or carers. Hutchinson advocates for always telling the child the truth in an age-appropriate way.
- Help parents/carers understand how the child is feeling.
- Be patient if a child repeatedly asks the same questions, and be consistent in your answers.
- Give them the words or Makaton signs to express their feelings and reduce their frustrations.
- If there are no social service concerns, remember the parent in prison should be kept involved in the child’s life. Prison family workers can be an intermediary and support their relationship.
- If the child is visiting their parent in prison, staff can help them with the process – from preparing them beforehand to being there for them afterwards. ‘The anxiety in the days following a prison visit can be really hard because it’s the joy of seeing them, but then the loss of having to say goodbye again,’ says Hutchinson.
BEST PRACTICE TRAINING
Hutchinson recommends early years practitioners undertake relevant training around parents in prison, share the toolkit or reflect on the issue as a staff team before a situation arises so that they are prepared. ‘As part of the training, I deliver to teachers and practitioners, I ask them what they think their age group’s knowledge of prisons is and where they get it from,’ she says. ‘Often it comes from cartoons where generally people are shown chained to the wall. It’s a scary place.
‘If we can educate our staff and break down some of those misconceptions about prisoners, then hopefully we can take some of that worry away from the child. Because thinking that their parent is in a dungeon with only water is a huge burden.’
Having a sign in the nursery’s reception stating that staff have been trained in parental imprisonment can help affected families know it is a safe place where they can confide in staff and receive help. ‘Being a space where people feel safe to talk about imprisonment is important and, ultimately, I think it will make practitioners’ jobs easier because they will have more of an insight into the child’s behaviour and why it’s happening,’ says Hutchinson.
She adds that it is important for staff to also consider their own values and attitudes because it will filter through in their responses to the families. ‘A high proportion of women in prisons will be there for less than six months for non-violent offences,’ Hutchinson comments. ‘So, after a short prison sentence, that woman is going to be back in the child’s life and back doing the nursery drop-off. It’s really important that we see them as returning citizens.’
CASE STUDY: Ford Road Nursery in Dagenham, east London
Staff at Ford Road Nursery (LEYF) were not informed that three-year-old Liam’s* dad had gone to prison. ‘We observed a marked change in his behaviour,’ recalls nursery manager Pauline Emmins. ‘He was being unkind to other children and displaying attention-seeking behaviours. So we sensitively spoke to his mum, which is when we found out. She had kept it under wraps because she was ashamed. She was struggling to deal with the situation and the boy had picked up on this, along with missing his dad.’
Staff discussed how best to support Liam, giving him focused attention and talking as much as possible about his feelings, helping him identify and talk about why he was upset. ‘We have Breathing Buddies sessions which help children with their self-regulation,’ says Emmins. Staff also helped Liam’s mum with strategies for his behaviour and talking about his emotions at home.
Emmins says having a close relationship with parents is crucial. ‘Mum was comfortable to share when there were prison visits or when he’d received something from his dad, which helped us speak to him about it in nursery,’ she explains. Liam’s mum was struggling financially now, so staff referred her to a local Family Hub for advice, and also ran a food bank she was able to access.
Liam’s dad was still in prison when he moved to school. Staff shared information with his teacher who visited Liam at nursery so they could become familiar and build trust.
*Not his real name
MORE INFORMATION
- ‘Best Practice in Early Years: Supporting Children with a Parent in Prison’, downloadable toolkit produced by LEYF, Pact and Famly: https://bit.ly/3Vy0xv3
- Pact: https://www.prisonadvice.org.uk
